7th of September.
Today I’m meeting with Sashas parents. We haven’t talked since Sasha died. They are devastated.
As I start walking to their house it started thundering and raining. I love the rain. It’s comforting.
I stopped walking as I broke down and started crying uncontrollably. It feels like bees stinging my heart and a clump building up in my throat. I can’t breathe. I want to leave.
I’m starting to tremble all over my body. I’m so cold. What should I do? I have to be strong. I miss them so much. Why did they leave me? Why? Why? Why? Why? Just why? I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I weren’t there for you. I’m sorry I didn’t listen. It’s all my fault. My fault. My fault. My fault. I’m just the worst. I don’t deserve to live. Why you and not me? Why? Why? Why? I can’t do this anymore. I want to be with you, Sasha. I miss you so much. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.
8th of September.
I don’t know what has happened yesterday. I researched it, maybe it was a panic attack, but I’m not sure.
I didn’t go meet Sashas parents, I just couldn’t.
“3rd of March.
Dear diary,
Today was hard. I really struggled.
Why are people like this? What have I done wrong?
When I went to the restroom today at school, they looked at me as if I’m an alien. I still go to the womans restroom, I’m not allowed to go to the mens restroom. When I sat down on a toilet, some girls climbed over the stalls, spit at me and filmed it. Thy put it online. Now everyone laughs at me. I fucking hate it here.”
I never knew that Sasha was going through so much. I saw the video, but Sasha said that they don’t care. I was the one who didn’t care and I regret not seeing their pain and suffering they were going through.
Everyday is the same. I get up, go to school, going home, cry, reading Sashas diary and go to sleep.
I can’t do this anymore.
Tomorrow is the funeral. I’m going to see Sasha one last time.
