my heart is telling me we're gonna be the exception

i

"Penny for your thoughts?" A soft voice breaks Gina out of her thoughts, and she blinks down at the girl whose head is on her lap.

"Hmm?"

"You look like you're thinking really hard," Nini says. "You're all tense. You have your thinking face on, and it's really cute, but you're going to have frown lines by the time you're twenty if you don't relax." She reaches up a hand to gently smooth the tight crease between her eyebrows. Gina's heart rate spikes at the touch, and it does nothing to release the thoughts whirling like a tornado in her head. In fact, it makes it worse.

"Oh," she says, and forces her face to relax. "It's nothing, really."

"You can talk to me, Gi. You know that." The nickname doesn't help either.

And her slow, controlled breathing won't help for much longer if Nini keeps looking at her like that.

"Yeah," she breathes out. "I, uh... I..."

Nini nods encouragingly, squeezing Gina's hand three times.

It's one thing for Nini to hold her hand like that, with their fingers intertwined, and it's another thing for her to squeeze it three times. Her head spins and her face suddenly feels blazing hot. Three times. Meaning...

"I love you," she says, softly and all at once.

There it is. It's out there now. Even if Nini rejects her, even if Nini stops being her friend. She feels a brief moment of relief and pride at being able to say it, at being able to get out the thought that had plagued her mind for a year, but the wave of courage slowly diminishes and washes back into the ocean the longer Nini stays quiet, leaving a little mortification.

Nini turns, and her face is not visible as she struggles to sit up.

Gina's heart pounds in her ears.

"I love you, too," Nini says, and there's a little smile on her face, her head tilted in the most adorable way.

Gina's breath catches, and she lets herself hope— hope for a moment that she might just have a chance— and then it all comes crashing down when Nini continues, her smile obliviously bright.

"You're my best friend, Gina. If you had told me that a year ago, I wouldn't have believed you because I thought you were so mean and intimidating, but you're actually like a marshmallow on the inside. And now I can't imagine getting through the rest of high school without you. Promise me we'll stay in contact after high school?"

Gina can only nod mutely, her heart stuck in her throat. Nini watches her almost carefully.

Nini sticks out a pinky, and Gina manages a small smile as she obliges, hooking their pinkies together. Swallowing feels like swallowing needles.

"Love you to the moon and to Saturn," Nini says, pressing her hand on Gina's knee for a moment— just a fleeting moment, but her heart misses a beat anyway.

Despite the difficulty breathing, warmth blossoms in her chest like flowers, and Gina vaguely wonders if she'll ever cough them up. After all, unrequited love is a heartbreaking disease. She wouldn't even be surprised if she started coughing up petals.

"Now," Nini sighs as she settles back down onto Gina's lap, "Tell me what's wrong?"

I love you, Gina wants to say. I'm in love with you.

She probably should've led with that.

She sighs, letting her fingers thread through Nini's hair so that it's not splayed in all directions. Another time, maybe.

"Nothing important," she says instead. "Just school things. Dance. Stress."

Nini huffs indignantly and firmly tells her that she shouldn't dismiss the things that trouble her, followed by a promise that she'll always be here for her. She really hopes the latter will continue to be true when she manages to confess.

Gina allows herself a fond smile.