my heart is telling me we're gonna be the exception

iii

Gina is going to ask Nini to the Winter Formal.

She doesn't go for a grand gesture, not when there's a very high chance Nini says no. And if she does, Gina wants to be able to redirect her question to ask Nini to go to the dance as friends . The grand gesture can come another time. When— or if — they are together, as in a couple sort of together.

For the time being, she's okay with them being friends. Nini is touchy, and if she closes her eyes and fantasizes, she can imagine that she's hugging Nini because they're dating.

But sometimes the need to tell Nini how she feels is overwhelming. She doesn't want to hold Nini's hand just because they're friends and Nini is a touchy person whose love language is physical contact.

She just wants to date her, to hold her hand in the hallways because they like (or love) each other, to be able to kiss her whenever the urge gets too strong instead of having to look away and pull her fingers into trembling fists.

"Hey Nini," she says casually after a long stretch of silence. Gina is doing homework at her desk and Nini is sprawled stomach-down across Gina's bed. "The Winter Formal is in a few weeks. You planning on going?"

She keeps her head down and forces her hand to continue scribbling math equations until her heart is pounding so loudly in her ears she can't focus.

"I don't know," Nini says hesitantly. "I don't have anyone to go with. Kourtney and Ash are going with their boyfriends, and I don't want to interrupt or go alone..."

"Go with me?" Gina says. It's as casual as a hopeful, soft question can get, and Gina grits her teeth and tries to continue doing math homework like nothing is happening.

"Tries" being the operative word because three seconds later, she puts down her pencil and spins in her chair to face the girl on the bed.

Nini exhales loudly, a sigh Gina can't quite read. She holds her breath. "I was hoping you'd ask."

"Well I'm asking," she says, and she's mildly impressed with her ability to stay nonchalant for this long.

"Yeah, of course, I'll go to the Winter Formal with you," Nini says, and Gina's shoulders drop as tension bleeds out of them. "I didn't really want to go because I wasn't going to ask Ash and Kourt to, I don't know, ditch their boyfriends to come as a group. And I didn't want to ask you, because-" Nini's face turns pink, and she gestures inarticulately. "-because, well, it's just the two of us and I didn't want you to take it the wrong way."

"Ah," Gina says, it takes a while for her brain to catch up with the last sentence. It had been expected, but it still makes frustration tighten in her chest. She takes a slow breath and swivels back around in her chair to continue her homework with shaking hands.

"Yeah." Nini says, and if Gina had been looking, she would've seen Nini drop her face into the bed with a muttered curse.

"You still owe me a dance, though," Gina says without thinking. Her cheeks go warm, and she almost snaps the pencil in her grip.

"Okay," Nini says quietly. "Of course. You can't not dance at a school dance, especially a formal one."

"Yeah," Gina says, and her heart aches a little bit.

Two weeks later, Nini follows through on her promise and pulls Gina in for a dance on the gym floor during a slow love song. People look at them, and Nini drops her head on her shoulder comfortably like they've done this before, like they'll do this again because they're together.

Gina avoids curious gazes, but parts of her want to hold Nini close for everyone to see, scream from the rooftops that she's in love with this girl until her throat is raw.

She savors the moment and tries not to let her heart break at the thought.

Surrounded by Nini's smell, the soft sound of her breathing, her touch— everywhere and all-consuming, even hovering inches apart— the longing tugs so overwhelmingly in Gina's chest that she can't breathe.

She doesn't know how much longer she can go on like this.