cupid | jakehoon ✗

xxv. useless

USELESS

when they're all done with eating and talking sunghoon and jake both make their way back to the penthouse. taking the bus, they sit besides each other, jake resting his head on sunghoon's shoulder, suddenly feeling tired. sunghoon's stomach blooms, he decides to hold jake's hand, placing it on his lap while they wait to arrive at their destination. 

when they get off the bus they walk to their destination, jake is back again. "i fell asleep didn't i?" jake speaks, when they get off, voice hoarse and sleepy. 

"yeah, it's okay though. i tired but..." sunghoon trails off,  scratching the back of his head, feeling somewhat embarrassed. 

"but, what?" jake asks, curisouty filling inside him. 

"umm...nevermind." 

"tell me! please...?" jake stares at sunghoon. sunghoon bites his lower lip, thinking. finally giving in and sighing. "okay, fine. but, you better not judge!" sunghoon decalres, voice suddenly raising with jitterness. 

"i was going to sleep too, but...i couldn't. your whole scent was all over me, i couldn't concentrate." sunghoon admits, looking away from jake's stare. jake's lips curved into a smile. 

"seriously?? god, i'm so glad i wasn't the only one." jake blurts out. 

"wait, what?" sunghoon glances over at jake, confused. 

"yeah! i was nervous to lay my head on your shoulder, i didn't know if you'd like it. i thought maybe you'd back away or something." jake explains, calmly. jake's about to say more but sunghoon stops him, sunghoon grabs jake's shoulders and they pause they're steps. 

"hey—"

"jake, there's no need for you to rethink what you do or say when you're around me. i like you no matter what. if we get into a fight, we'll figure it out. if we don't, then...well, we'll keep apart. but, no matter what you do, i can never hate you." sunghoon says, eyes filled with adoration and tenderness. jake smiles, pulling away from sunghoon's hold. sunghoon's heart sank, suddenly feeling like jake's about to walk away or break him apart. his eyebrows furrowed, feelings reacting a certain way he doesn't like. 

"jake?" sunghoon whispers, scared to even say anything. did he do something wrong? did he say something wrong? why did jake move? is he being a little too much? is—

jake embraces sunghoon. jake snuggles his face on sunghoon's neck, placing a soft kiss on his neck. sunghoon winces, but doesn't move away. "you're kinda cute, you know...only kinda." jake whispers, lips touching sunghoon's neck. sunghoon melts under his touch, but trys his best not to show it. guess, it wasn't what i think was going to happen.

jake pulls away from the hug and staying close to sunghoon. "let's get going." jake says, removing himself from sughoon. 

they both walk to the penthouse in abrusbt silence. when sunghoon recomposes himself he glances over at jake. "now that i remember...you said you wanted to talk about something?" sunghoon speaks, voice lower than he intended to sound. 

"i did. but, i got over it. now, we can just cuddle and finish homework!" jake beams, excited to get the penthouse. 

✧. ┊

it's been weeks since jake and sunghoon could talk about their relationship. jake seems to still be thinking about his true feelings and with time he's been able to figure out a lot of things. like, how sunghoon makes him feel things he never thought he would. or, how crazy he gets when sunghoon is close with him, the want of wanting to kiss him but not wanting to push sunghoon for more. but, unlike jake, sunghoon's been having his own problems. jake's has been able to notice it, but whenever he asks what's wrong, sunghoon pushes away his feelings, saying things like "nothing" or "i'm fine, don't worry" but of course it's all lie for jake. he knows there's something more to it. 

it's been raining a lot recently, which means having to walk in the rain and taking the bus. jake isn't so thrilled anymore since sunghoon's been having a cough. 

"are you okay?" jake asks when they get in the bus. eyes lingered with concern when he sees sunghoon struggling to hold back whatever he's feeling. 

"i'm fine, don't worry about it, okay?" sunghoon lies. 

"but—"

"i said i'm fine, okay?" sunghoon snaps, looking away from jake with a face that doesn't look like the old sunghoon. jake gulps, not knowing if he should say anything really. what's wrong with him? jake wonders. 

jake gets to school and sunghoon walks him to class, silence lingered in the air, despite all the students talking around them. everything else was mute for them. 

"thanks." jake says when sunghoon drops him off the class. 

sunghoon hums before turning to leave. as he's doing so, he feels something heavy on his bag. suddenly remembering he has jake's textbook. of course, he does, he had asked jake he'd take care of the extra book since jake's bag was already heavy. sunghoon walks back to jake's classroom but when he's looking for jake in the class he sees him with heeseung. 

jake falls out his chair. sunghoon quickly is about to go hep him when heeseung comes in the picture, helping jake out. 

"are you okay??" heeseung asks jake. 

jake sniffles back his tears. "yeah, i'm okay, don't worry," his voice cracks. heeseung notices it, pulling jake up, "no. no, you are not okay." heeseung says, seeing the way jake is all over the place. 

"you're crying." heeseung said. 

sunghoon sees the way jake makes himself comfortable with heeseung. the way they're taking care of each other. his grip tightens on the textbook and he storms off, not giving them a glance back. 

why? why? why is this happening? why can't i do something? why can't i help him? i can't even protect him. he's always protecting me. why can't i? i'm not even able to do that simple thing, how can i ever be someone for him?  he's supposed to relay on me. but, it's the complete opposite. he's taking care of me. i'm supposed to take of him. but, i can't even do that without breaking him apart? how can i ever be his boyfriend? 

sunghoon is caught up in his mind. the past weeks he's seen how jake is usually the one who's taking care of him. he feels useless. like, jake doesn't need him, he's just getting in the way. sunghoon wants to take care of jake, but all he's doing in the opposite. that's the reason why he's been so distant. why he's always rushing to jake when he's injured or hurt or anything—but, it's been a lot difficult when jake is getting help from others. sunghoon feels useless.