cupid | jakehoon ✗

xxvi. shadow

SHADOW

"are you okay, jake??" heeseung asked once they're out of the classroom. heeseung managed to help jake out the class by telling the teacher he wasn't feeling good. it wasn't an entirely a lie, jake just wasn't hurt physically.

they're on their way to the nurses office when jake decides to rest on the floor. sitting down, and look at the ground, avoiding eye contact. his mind feels all fuzzy and his eyes are burning, mouth sour from the taste of wanting to cry.

"jake?" heeseung repeats, worried.

jake hiccups. "i...i don't know what to do." jake chokes out. "i don't know what's happening with sunghoon. he's...just so confusing now! i want to help him but it feels like he's drifting away. i hardly feel like we're together." jake's eyes fill with hot tears as they slip out.

heeseung sits beside him now, staring at his friend. "so, you two really are together."

jake had almosted forgotten about their secret relationship. "n-not officially."

"why?" heeseung asks.

jake's heart sinks. it's all his fault. he told sunghoon he needed time. he needed time to figure out his feelings, when all along he knew all about them. he knew he likes sunghoon, he's just afraid of it not working out. "i...i told him i needed time." jake whispers, ashamed. why didn't he just say it to him? why did he avoid this feeling? why did he lie about needing time? why—

"do you love him?"

jake's heart jumped. mind no longer filled with such sorrow thoughts. just the word love. what does love mean? is their just one meaning of love? their is so much more meanings to love. whether it's friendship, family, lover.

jake glances at heeseung. the word spilling to come out, he licks his lips. "yes. yes. i...i love him. not just a friend way. not just in question. i love him, heeseung-hyung." jake smiles.

heeseung smiles as well. "why don't you tell him? he might just be in a wrong place right now. he might just be regretting his decision of love for you. he loves you. i know he does. but...but, he's just caught up in something. he needs you, jake." heeseung whispers, softly.

jake stays still. "w-what if i don't know how to help him?"

"you don't have to. he just needs you right now. maybe, not with words, maybe he just needs to know."

it takes a while for jake to agree with what heeseung says. his thought just running around about certain he things he doesn't know. "i need to go to him." jake says.

✧. ┊

after school jake goes to look for sunghoon. all day, he hasn't had the chance to talk to him. this time, might just be the one.

"sunghoon?" jake calls out, classroom to classroom. "sunghoon?" until finally he finds him in his classroom, sleeping. jake analyzes him. soft breaths he takes, the way his body moves with each breath he takes. jake walks in front of sunghoon's desk, his attention all on the sleepy sunghoon.

has he even been able to sleep? jake wonders.

i want to touch his hair.

jake's hand reaches towards the brunette. no matter the cause of heartbreakes jake still manages to want sunghoon. how can he ever top loving him? i don't think there's anyone who'd be able to make jake feel so much emotion.

jake's fingers touched sunghoon's hair, slowly jake's hand went further up, but suddenly sunghoon's hand catches jake's wrist. sunghoon is awake now.

"o-oh, hey, sunghoon." jake stutters, blushing by being caught. "i thought you were alseep?"

"i was, but i heard you calling my name."

"why were you still sleeping then?"

"because, i wanted you to find me. because, i couldn't chase after you after all i'm doing. i can't face you, jake. i'm so ashame and horrified. i don't want to loose you, but it feels like i already am."

jake stares in dissabielf and in panic. "don't say that. i'm not going anywhere."

"i'm so so sorry, jake. i don't know what's happening to me. i just feel so useless when i'm around you! as if—" sunghoon takes a deep breath in, frustrated— "as if, you don't need me."

"no. don't say that. i do need you. you're so much more than you think!" jake musters to say, holding back the tears.

"am i really? cause, i don't feel like it."

"no. don't say that!" jake shakes his head.

sunghoon stumbles off the chair, as he trys to stand up himself. jake rushes to his side. "are you okay?!" jake trys to help him but sunghoon pushes him off. jake stumbles back.

"i'm fine. don't worry about me." sunghoon whispers, standing up himself.

what is happening? why is this happening?

"sunghoon—"

"i didn't know i was such an inconvenience." sunghoon blurts out, not knowing he'd just said what his thoughts stammered on.

jake's eyes flickered with water. sunghoon was not himself. it's like he's caught up in something. some type of chain, some type of shadow. sunghoon is not himself.

sunghoon's about to leave when quickly jake embraces him from the back. "don't...leave me." jake whispers in his ear. sunghoon winces, at jake's words. almost as if jake had snapped sunghoon at whatever world he was in. but, it just didn't reach his shore. sunghoon was still followed by a shadow.

"i'm sorry, jake." sunghoon is about to leave when jake grabs hold of both sunghoon' same with both hands. sunghoon reacts.

"jake—"

"i love you."

sunghoon's heart rate beats faster than it was just seconds ago. his whole heart flutters into millions of sparkles. his whole mind stops. his whole life stops for a moment. until, the shadow finally leaves his soul. sunghoon is now remembering everything about himself. he didn't know what was going on in his mind. all be really knew was: he felt utterly lost.

gah, im so sorry i couldn't update this story in quiet a while! currently was loosing motivation to write this fic, but i gain more interest to finish it!! so dw