Please Love Me | JJK

Part 19

You and Jungkook go back to the same rhythm you had before the fight. Only this time, he insists on adding another day to drive you to and from work. He holds your hand every time he does. He sits closer to you on the couch, lingers in the kitchen when you're cooking, waters the flowers for you, texts you more times during the day. He kisses you on the forehead every night before you go to bed and watches you enter your room before he climbs the stairs to his.

"Maybe he's falling in love with you," was Yeji's guess. You told your friends all these changes as you met up one Saturday for your gown fitting. "I would be if my fiancé looked this beautiful."

You blushed at your friend's statement and mirrored her twinkling eyes as you stared at your reflection, dressed in your dream wedding gown that Nari had so exquisitely created.

"Or maybe he's guilty," Minhyuk replied, bursting your bubble. "I would be if I spent years shunning a person who turned out to be sick this whole time."

The girls scowled at him. "Sorry, ___," he said, shame painted on his face.

"It's okay. You're right though. I thought I was the only one thinking it," you replied.

"Don't go there, ___," Yeji reprimanded you. "Doesn't Junghyun think that Jungkook's always had a soft spot for you, too? Knowing the truth probably just intensified that. It shouldn't change your feelings for him, too."

"Are you in love with him?" Nari asked as she faced you to fix the hem of your sleeves.

You left the question unanswered and your friends didn't prod. It's not that you didn't know if you're in love with him or not; you didn't answer because although you've come to the realization that yes, you are falling in love with him, you've also started to feel something for the first time in years - fear.

You were scared he wouldn't feel it, too. Contrary to what you told him, you were allured by the thought of loving your husband - not just trusting and respecting him - and being loved back.

It's tempting to think that he might be feeling something more for you as well. But you have to be cautious, you thought. He might just be confused or guilty. He might just be caught up in the moment.

He'd broken your heart even before you truly loved him. Loving him now would mean giving him the power to break your heart again; you just don't know if you trust him enough this time that he wouldn't.

Jungkook takes longer to sleep at night, partly wondering if you're sleeping well, partly counting the days until he gets to marry you so he can wake up and fall asleep next to you.

He starts to think about this, how thoughts of you consume him everyday. All the things about you that he's fond of are magnified, and they're suddenly the most beautiful things in the world to him - how you smile, how you laugh, how soft your touch is, how pretty you look with mussed hair and in oversized sweatshirts, how obsessed you are with scented candles; even your tiny sneezes ease his frustrations.

They sound silly and superficial but he can't help but warm at the thought of you. It drives him crazy because although you return his affection, he isn't exactly sure what you feel for him. And suddenly not being wanted back scares him more than anything.

**

Before you know it, the weekend of the wedding has come.

It was a sprint to the finish line with all the last minute details, one you're glad that your parents stressed over instead of you. That's why you and Jungkok wanted a simple wedding, so that everything is simple to put together, too. But your parents had to busy themselves with making sure that everything was perfect, and that the wedding remained a secret, as you'd requested.