Please Love Me | JJK

Part 18

It took a lot of convincing to get Jungkook not to take another leave from work. If it wasn't for your insistence that you had to go to your office for client meetings, he wouldn't have let you go. He tried with his puppy-dog eyes and pouty lips but you stood your ground and bargained that he could take you to work, pick you up, and you could have dinner out together.

You didn't miss the way he'd held your hand during the whole car ride, or the multiple text messages he sent throughout the day just to tell you that he'd had lunch already and what his meeting was about, or that he'd taken you to your favorite French restaurant, and surprised you with your favorite cupcakes.

And now, as he holds your hand again and hums to the song on the radio as he drives you back home, your heart warms at how intimate this all is.

He catches you looking and sends you that smile that makes you weak in the knees, his eyes reflecting the light off the lamppost outside and suddenly you see stars.

"Everything okay?" he asks.

"Yes, it's just..." your eyes wander to your intertwined hands and the small box of sweets on your lap. "You seem so happy."

He looks at you, smile softening even more. "You're home, that's why."

You grin and look out the window, willing yourself not to think too much about this. You were gone for days and Junghyun had said Jungkook was a mess after he found out about your health, guilt and anger taking their toll on him.

You couldn't stop crying that night after the fight. You felt as if your heart was being torn into pieces with how much hurt you were feeling. You felt tired and defeated, like no matter how much you tried to show him that it could work, even with the progress, something just seemed to hold him back. You willed yourself not to wish he was holding you, comforting you, and you knew you couldn't stay home with Jungkook being there so you left for your family's lakehouse, hoping to get some peace of mind.

You didn't want to fight anymore, didn't want to feel the things he was making you feel, hated how the insecurities and doubts you fought so hard to suppress were making you question everything, and you just wanted some space. You knew he needed it, too. He said things he didn't mean out of anger, like he did when he was at his parents' house, and you also wanted to give him some time.

In those days you were away, you missed him terribly. You thought about him everyday - his jokes, the joy on his face whenever he was eating, his ramblings about work and the little things about his day that he'd share. You thought about his boyish smile and the way he'd wink at you when he'd changed a lightbulb or hammered a nail on the wall for your painting to hang. You missed his warmth, more than anything, and the way he made you feel safe with just a hand on your back or a head on your shoulder.

Junghyun was your messenger, although there wasn't much to say. You and Jungkook have to talk about things - the fight, the secret you kept from him - and you wanted to do that when you were back home so you could comfort him and assure him that you aren't angry, that you aren't leaving, that you still want this. 

Which is why you're seated at the balcony at the moment, vanilla bourbon tea warming your hands and a cup of warm milk in his.

"Were you going to tell me? That you were sick?" he asks, glancing at you before he focuses his eyes on the city below.

"Yes, I was planning to tell you sometime after we get married," you confirm. "Your brother was very apologetic but I guess it would've been hard for me to tell you myself. I didn't want to hold that above your head and make you feel guilty, like you do now," you say, giving him a knowing look. "I know you are, but you shouldn't be, Kook."