The Bucket List | Doyoung/Taeyong

Chapter 4: List Item Three: Doyoung Discovers Something New About Pizza

"So," Dr. Cha says. "How's it going?"

"Good," Doyoung says automatically. Dr. Cha raises her eyebrows. Doyoung takes this as a combination of Are you sure about that? and This is therapy, Doyoung, not a casual conversation. "I mean," he amends, "things are fine. I've completed the first two list items."

"How was that?" Dr. Cha asks.

"Good, actually," Doyoung says slowly. "I met this other guy when I was at Costco. He was doing the same thing—the samples, not the bucket list." He lets himself laugh for a second before continuing. "His name is Taeyong. I told him about the list and he said he wanted to join me. So... I let him."

"That's good," Dr. Cha says. "I think it'll be better if you're not alone."

"Yeah, it was nice of him," Doyoung says, nodding. "He's... really nice. He doesn't ask too many questions. He's not nosy. He doesn't ask me why I'm... depressed, you know, or why I'm in therapy or why I'm doing all of this. At least, he doesn't expect me to answer." He pauses, remembering their conversation that night after they got back from the beach. "He barely knows me, but he seems determined to try his best to—to help me get better. I don't know, it's strange."

Dr. Cha smiles. "He seems very kind," she says. "And smart, I think. I'm glad you have him."

"I think I am, too." Doyoung chews on his bottom lip, thinking. "He asked me... if I thought it would work. I said I didn't know. And then he asked me if I wanted it to work."

"And what did you say?" Dr. Cha watches Doyoung carefully as she asks. Doyoung recognizes her look to be one of curiosity.

"I said I didn't know about that, either." Doyoung pauses, watching Dr. Cha back. "And that's true. I... don't know."

Dr. Cha nods. "That's better than no," she points out, smile now wry.

Doyoung chuckles to himself. "That's true," he admits. "He, uh—after he asked how I felt and I told him I didn't feel much better, he said I should tell you that you're a quack. But I dunno, Dr. Cha. I think you might be onto something here."

This gets Dr. Cha to laugh. "I'm glad to hear it," she says. "So you'd say—what, that you might feel marginally better?"

Doyoung holds up his hand, showing her the tiniest gap between his thumb and index finger. "Maybe a little," he admits. "I don't know—I mean, it's not all the time. And I can't tell if it'll last. But a little."

"Good," Dr. Cha says. "I'm sure you don't need me to give you the progress-is-not-linear talk. What I will say instead is that sometimes with depression, you'll start feeling just a little better, which is just enough for you to have the energy to start acting on your more self-destructive thoughts. This is usually the warning that comes with meds—I'm sure you're familiar with that, as well." Doyoung nods. "Just remember the deal. You have to finish the list first, and then come talk to me about it, before you—"

"Go off the rails?" Doyoung supplies.

"Before you make any big decisions," Dr. Cha continues evenly, giving him a sharp look. "Alright?"

Doyoung nods. "I know," he says, seriously. "You give me a long leash. I won't abuse it."

Dr. Cha smiles. "It's not a leash, Doyoung," she says. "It's just, you know, my job to make sure you don't hurt yourself. At least as best I can."

"Well," Doyoung says, gesturing to his person, whole and intact, "you've done pretty good so far."

; ; ;

A couple of weeks pass; Taeyong's life gets a little busy, so they put the list on hold. Doyoung doesn't mind. He's not really in a rush to get it done. He doesn't have the energy to be. And if he thinks Taeyong is maybe stalling a little because he doesn't want to get to the end just yet, Doyoung doesn't say anything. The one thing he has is too much time.