Hello. My name is fern and I see myself as someone who is usually happy, but other people might see me different. To most people I try to stay happy and just ignore all the horrible things that happen to me. I am a average person. I am not good at sports, not very attractive , not good with the "ladys", I'm just me.
I was born in the Bronx with a twin and 2 older sister. I was put into kindergarten when I was 4 because they allowed to come in a bit earlier than most kids. The only thing I remember from this school was getting kicked in the leg by some new chick. I find it funny how people only remember the bad things that happen to them. No ever remembers good thing. To be honest, I would be lying to you if I told you I didn't think the same way. I can't remember the first time a cute talked to me, but I can remember the first time I got rejected.
In school I was never really the best at anything. I was just always just decent at everything. I was an average student I wasn't really good at English, but I was pretty good at math. I never really wanted to be anything as a kid. I never really found anything that interested me. Most kids say that they want to be a fireman or something like that, but I never really saw anything like that. I have always wanted a career that would would make work...work. Some people say if you like what you do you never work a day in your life.
I started playing music when I was in the forth grade. My first instrument was the Clarinet. When I started to play music I felt like a different person. It was a whole different world where I can forget everything people have said and just play. Music has always been a big part of my life. Without music I would be the most depressed person ever, I would barely want to live. I'm not gonna lie sometimes I wish I can disappear into a different world where I can just play music.
As a kid I never really saw music as something I that I would do in the future. After a bit of playing I saw that I really had a good feel for anything music related. I ended up quitting the clarinet mid way through my sixth grade year. I wasn't really feeling the instrument and my band teacher wouldn't let me change instruments, so I just quit the band.
The next time I would play is in the seventh grade when I joined the middle school band. The instrument I picked up was the trumpet, which right now is my favorite instrument. At the beginning of my trumpet career I couldn't really play much. I was most likely the worst trumpet player in the whole high school. I was looking at this instrument like it was a whole different thing. The other part of this is that I didn't really want to practice like I would in high school.
Mid way into the year you would have to make your schedule for your next year. Half way into the year I put on my schedule that I didn't want to take band, but at the end of the year I would finally get pretty decent at the trumpet. At the end of my seventh grade year I would get my love for music. I would finally get to learn how I would feel about music. The feeling that I got when I played was amazing. At the end of my seventh grade year I could finally say what I wanted to be. I wanted to be a trumpet player.
The trumpet was a new part of me. The trumpet was the only thing that I could say that really described me. The trumpet was just not a instrument to me. It was my whole life. I don't think I can live in a world where I do something that isn't music related. I would rather be poor and play music than to be rich and not play music. Music is just another life for me. I really do think I would have not made it this far if I didn't play music.
Most the people supported my idea of becoming an professional trumpet, but my parents didn't enjoy that. My parents wanted me to do something in a math field because they saw music as a joke. They would always tell me that I won't play music after high school because they don't want me to. My sisters all went into things that are more school related like accounting and teaching. I guess when they heard my dream they saw it as me being lazy, but that isn't he case at all. I really wanted to show them how I felt about this, but now I really don't care what they think anymore. I used to want them on my side, but it will most likely not happen.
People always tell me that parents will always support their child, but I don't really see that in my life. The people who support me and really only my friends. The best part of this is that not even all of them support me. They look at my dream of just teaching and playing music a joke. The only person that really supports me is my best friend. She is the best person I have ever meet in my whole life. She is always that person who makes me feel happy whenever everything is horrible. She is probably the only person that I really feel comfortable talking to. When ever something happens she is always the person that help me through it. I can say thank you enough to this person for what she has done.
To this year in my I have been pretty happy. I had a bunch of friends that wanted to talk to me and I had a decent relationship with my parents. They weren't to crazy about music, but they saw that I had a future in it. One day everything just started to change. My dad told me that music was the dumbest thing I can do after high school. I would have thought that my mom would defend me, but she didn't. She just watched while he released his anger at me. At this moment I saw that my mom is cannot stand for herself without my dad. He could probably try to kill me and my mom would still be on her side. Every time this happens I go crazy inside. It kills me seeing how a mother won't stand up for her own son. I just feeling like crying or yelling every time I see it. I hope one day she sees what she did. That day she will see how she was just a shadow of monster.
