We'll Be Alright

Ch 10 - Memory

(tw!! mentions and references to domestic violence and abuse. skip to non-italic text if you need to <3)

Rain pours down on my shoulders. I didn't have time to grab an umbrella, and I'm wearing shoes from last summer that are way too small. My hair sticks to my face and the bruises all over my body throb in time with my steps, in time with every movement, with every breath. I don't know where to go. I don't know where I could possibly go so that Jamie won't find me. They always find me.

My best friend's face flashes in my mind. He was so concerned for me before I drew away, so worried about my health and safety. I denied everything, of course- telling him would only result in more pain. Before I realize what I'm doing, my feet are taking me to his apartment. A nice old woman in the shabby lobby catches my eye and wordlessly holds open the door for me as she's bringing in her mail. I probably look like a half-drowned cat. I sort of feel like one.

I thunder up the stairs, anticipation making my legs feel like wood. I hesitate for a second before knocking on his door, my thin wrist peeking out from my hoodie, the same hoodie that used to fit perfectly. Now it hangs loose on my frame because of my punishments. Because of Jamie.

"Pica?" Jonas's eyes are wide and his face is pale, presumably taking in my bruises and skeleton of a body. "Are you... are you okay?"
For the first time in two years, I tell the truth: "No. I'm not." He quickly pulls me into his apartment, wincing at the skinniness of my arm.
"Are you hungry? Can I get you anything to eat?" It sounds less like a question and more like a 'I'm gonna get you some food and you'd better fucking eat it.' Maybe that's just my default reaction, though. Jamie talked like that a lot.

"Okay," I reply quietly. The adrenaline from my escape is wearing off, and my entire body feels like it's shutting down. A second later, a steaming mug of coffee and a cup of instant ramen is placed in front of me.
"You... look tired," Jonas says awkwardly. "Sorry... I don't know how you take your coffee, so I made it like mine."
"It's fine... I'm sorry for dropping you," I say, sipping the coffee so I don't have to look at him. It's too sweet, but I drink it anyway. "Jamie didn't want me to... you know. Talk to you."
"That fucker," my friend growls. "Don't be sorry. It wasn't your fault." For a second, I wonder how he knows- then I remember I have a black eye and I've lost thirty pounds. It's obvious to everyone but me; no wonder I wasn't allowed to leave the house.

"I snuck out once. To try and see you," I murmur, poking at the ramen with the plastic fork Jonas slides to me. "Jamie hid the car keys. So I had to walk. But they were faster." I shrink into myself, folding over so my knees meet my chin.
"I'm... so sorry," Jo whispers. "I should have known."
"There's no way you could have," I insist. "They stopped letting me leave the house once it got really bad."
"You flinched all the time last year," Jonas says. It sounds more like a sob than anything else. "Was that when it started?" In response, I nod.

"Pica," Jonas whispers, looking at me with tears in his eyes. I shrug. "Stay here. With me. I'll protect you, I'll make sure they don't find you." For a minute, I pause. Then I realize that this could mean safety. I won't have to see them anymore.
"Okay," I whisper back. This could be my new home.

I sit upright in bed, a sob dying on my lips. It's been a long time since I dreamed of that night, the night when I was chilled to the bone and more numb than I've ever been in my life, the night when Jonas saved me. Jonas. I flail for a second, searching for his body under the covers in the darkness of our room, soothed when I find him.
"Mmm," he hums sleepily, waking up from my movements. "Babe? You okay?"

Running my fingers through his hair, I consider. Three and a half years ago, before I started dating Jonas, when I showed up at his apartment, I was frantic. Jamie took my phone and my keys. I was unstable and afraid and broken.
"Yeah," I say finally, leaning down to kiss his forehead. "I am now."

A/N
welcome back to another episode of me projecting my own trauma onto my OC and making it *even worse* because i am emotionally not alright <3

i have the song basta boi stuck in my head and its so good and i have it on my agere playlist because it's about a little man and his little toy and his little joy and i'm screaming it's so cute

triggering material summary: pica runs away from his abusive partner, through the rain, to go to jonas's place, where jonas finds out what pica is going through. they decide that pica can stay with jonas for a little bit to hide from aforementioned partner.