Ghosts of July (Shamans of the Divide, Book 1)

Chapter Thirteen

In Camille's retreating headlights, Renn looked awful. Hard to imagine but his eyes were sunken with dark grey circles. His hair was everything but pulled back and sort of stuck up here and there but mostly fell in his face. He wore wrinkled jeans and a stained Doors t-shirt.

He took a couple steps forward, toward the edge of the light from the front porch. It took me a moment but when I looked from Renn to the light and back again, it hit me.

"You fixed my light, didn't you?"

It sounded more of an accusation than a question, but he nodded. Figures.

"I've been trying to talk to you for three days, July," he finally said. His voice was rough, like he was coming down with a cold. I had a feeling he was going to try to make the fact that he blew me off less insulting, but I didn't want him to.

"I really don't care," I put my hand up, stopping him. "I can't handle any more drama between you and your girlfriend. I spend all this time feeling weird like I'm doing something wrong and you treat me like I am doing something wrong. Your idiot girlfriend attacks me at the first party of the summer, and now you want to talk?"

His eyes jumped up to meet mine when I mentioned Hannah.

"Yeah," I said with a little emphasis and turning my swollen cheek toward him. "She tried to knock my face off tonight blaming me for whatever drama you guys are having. I don't want to be that person, Renn. I never signed up to be that person."

Dammit.

I was crying.

I closed my eyes as Renn looked up at the night sky helplessly. I'd just stand there for a second or two and let the tears fall where they may and then I could be mad again and I could tell this maddening boy to go home and never come back.

He moved without a sound and before I knew what was happening, he'd wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into the tightest hug I could remember. I jerked in surprise and opened my eyes, but instead of pushing him away, I kept my hands between us and put them on his chest, dipping my forehead down to his chest and blowing out a breath.

He smelled spicy. Like a giant, leaf-covered, rainy day spice. He cupped the back of my head with one hand and wrapped his free arm around my waist and pulled me against him.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered into my hair. "I didn't want any of this to happen."

Suddenly, I believed Renn. Not only did he look particularly tortured tonight, he seemed too upset and bothered by my reaction to be playing games. I hoped so anyway.

When I finally pulled free and he let me go, he put both of his hands on my face and tilted it up to him under the light.

"What did Hannah do?"

Giving him the condensed version of the night's fun, I tried not to look him in the eye as he studied my face like a scientist studies a specimen.

"What are you looking at?" I finally asked. Had she burst some blood vessel rendering my face paralyzed or something?

"You."

I met his eyes at the wrong moment and we locked gazes. I felt paralyzed and like I was watching the scene play out from a distance and not as an active participant. His grip on my face tightened slightly and my heart started pounding again as he pulled me forward while he leaned toward me.

Centimeters from what could have been the greatest kiss of my imaginative short life, a torrential summer downpour opened up on top of us.

The spell was broken and I grabbed Renn's hand, pulling him to the door where I let us in and locked the door behind him.

I had so much to say and nowhere to begin. Thankfully, he went first.

"I shouldn't have blown you off, July," he began. "I feel terrible."

"Why did you do it? Why did you make plans with me just to break them?"

 I remembered the feeling of walking across the parking lot pretending that I was perfectly okay. I remember that I wasn't perfectly okay.

"I had every intention of keeping our plan and looking for some answers," he faltered a bit and used one thumb to chip at the nail bed of the other. My cuticles hurt just watching him. "But she showed up and was crying and said that I was blowing her off lately and making her look stupid in front of everyone. I couldn't get rid of her in good conscience and to be honest, I felt a little guilty."

That wasn't fair.

"Why would you feel guilty? We haven't done anything wrong." I admit it, I was defensive.

Renn nodded.

"You're right," he said. "But I realized how much more excited I was at the thought of spending the afternoon in a stack of books with you than taking her to another party and it was wrong. I felt awful about it. I couldn't keep it up."

"So you blew me off?"

He paused and took a deep breath.

"She's the girlfriend," he said with a hint of sadness. "You choose the girlfriend over the girl who sees ghosts when it comes down to it."

I didn't like the way that sounded. I know in this case I'd much rather be the girlfriend than the girl who sees ghosts any day, especially with a boy like Renn.

The thought slipped through before I could stop it. A boy like Renn? He wasn't really my type. And still...

"If she's still your girlfriend, why did she slap me? Why are you even here?"

My voice was rising and I sounded like a jilted lover. I kind of felt like one, too.

"She's not," he corrected himself. "We're on a...a...break for now."

A break.

That sounded nice and confusing. And freakin' familiar. My stomach soured a bit at the realization that he was a break kind of guy.

 "I never asked for you to be my new boyfriend. Not once. I thought you and I shared a mutual interest and that was the beginning and end of it. Why did it go beyond that? Why am I standing here feeling like I've done something wrong? If I wanted to talk to someone who doesn't know what he wants, I could call up my ex-boyfriend and listen to him go back and forth between me and this new found sense of freedom. But I don't need that."

What I said was mostly true, even if I did feel a little for him, it was obvious that it was inconvenient for him and it was time that he and I moved past this and on to more practical matters. Like ghosts.

"Its fine, Renn," I said for emphasis. "Really. I'm not this fragile little creature you need to feel sorry for. I'm not looking to take Hannah's place and fill a vacancy in your social life while you figure out whether tall, gorgeous idiots are your type or not. I really, really, really just want to find some answers to what's going on lately."

Renn kept my gaze for a few long, painful moments and just as I thought my eyes would betray me and start the waterworks, he gave me a sad smile and nodded.

"You're right, Sheriff," he said and sat down at the table. "Tell me everything I've missed in the past few days."

I grabbed a couple tea cups, put the kettle on, and did just that.