muse

love made me crazy

After nearly six months in France, you decided it was time to stop running. Koko nodded understandingly when you told him about your plans to return home; he always knew the day would come. Mitsuya's calls began to dwindle and you rarely ever heard from any of your friends - the distance between you and the people you loved was causing a gnawing pit of worry in your stomach. 

After many hours on a plane, you groggily drag your suitcase behind you as you shuffle through the airport. Your eyes search the crowd for the familiar lavender hair. As soon as Mitsuya's eyes meet yours, he runs to you and sweeps you into a hug. His arms squeeze you tightly and he spins you in excitement. 

"I'm glad you still love me," you laugh. It feels like you guys have grown apart a bit - he's been pulling away. He sets you down and lets out a sigh. Rubbing the back of his neck, he says, "Of course I do. Sorry I've been so MIA lately." 

The look in his eyes makes you squint in concern. "Is everything okay?" 

He bites the inside of his lip, debating if he should tell you the truth. The concern on your face makes his heart sink even further. "Don't worry about it, tell me all about your trip," he plasters a fake smile on his face. As if you would be dumb enough to fall for it. You give him a scowl that wipes his grin away immediately. His shoulders fall and he motions for you to follow him. He doesn't want to talk about it here.

He leads you to his car and throws your luggage in the trunk. You anxiously wait for him to start speaking as you sit in the passenger seat. Staring straight ahead from the driver's seat, Mitsuya says softly, "It's Kazutora." 

As Mitsuya explains, it becomes harder to breathe. Your heart beats out of your chest. It can't be. There's no way. This is some kind of horrible joke. 

Kazutora was in prison again. 

Someone had attempted to break into the pet shop; apparently they were high out of their mind and hoping to get some cash from the register. Kazutora was closing up at the time when the culprit attacked him. Kaz didn't fight back at first, but before the offender could choke him out he somehow got up and shot him. It was bad enough that Kaz had a gun, as it was a violation of his parole, but the gun was unregistered. He got sentenced to a year in prison despite the act being in self-defense. 

Various emotions make their way through you. Rage that no one told you sooner. Fear that Kazutora will spiral again. Guilt, as if you leaving somehow led to this. Sadness that Kaz went back into old habits. 

Mitsuya drops you off at home, allowing you the space to process everything. 

As soon as you shut the door behind you, you can no longer hold in your breakdown. You throw your suitcase into the wall, causing it to break open as it rolls and contents spill out. You slide down the wall as you cry, bringing your knees to your chest. 

You're not sure how much time passes before your sobs begin to slow. Your eyes travel over the mess that you made. Clothes and shoes and jewelry lay scattered on the floor. An unfamiliar stack of bound papers lays amongst the disaster. 

Your heart nearly falls out of your chest.

You recognize the handwriting immediately. Dumbfounded, you pick it up and sit gently on the edge of your bed to begin reading. 

I never planned to tell you any of this. I've freed you from the restraints that tie us together. Yet, here I am... writing to you even if you'll never read it. Maybe it will help relieve the crushing weight on my chest every time I think of you. 

I spent so much of my life in a cell that I became a cage. You are free-spirited and warm and so full of love - all of the things that I crave so much that I was willing to trap you in my darkness, despite knowing that all I would do was extinguish your light.