54. It's Okay, That's Love!

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Okay guys, I asked to make sure that it doesn't goes like toxic relationship like my other book, some of you said it would be sexual assaults, yes ... I got the point ... so here's, what i present you ... decision by you guyz<3

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"fck woman."

When you're force by a person you love, breaking apart with him is even more complicated than a regular one because while your anger and disgust at this person is strong as fuck - the love you once had for this individual is still there, your heart and mind had a long, hard drawn out battle over this man's existence in your universe.

Only when you moved to a new part of world, you did finally realize that he was in fact haunting you, your mind and soul and heart.

Supposed to leave the baggage in the past, Most importantly, we're supposed to take away a lesson learned but what is the lesson here? What did you learn from this relationship?

When someone shows you who they are, believe them! And if the person they turn out to be is a devil to your soul, don't be afraid to run like all hell and not look back.!

If force occurs in a relationship, even just once, leave him that type of disregard for your consent is evidence of a much deeper problem, one that you the..., is under no obligation to solve.

You couldn't even think of a man touching you after what had happened, let alone trust one to do so, you were heavily conflicted, tortured and traumatized. Too traumatized to let someone else in who had the possibility of doing the exact same thing like in the past, you were raped by stranger who you supposed ... him! yes, you did finally realized how dump you were.

The worst question of all was possibly, did he ever realized it himself and really love you? Did he ever really care? Or was you just the nearest warm body for him to pillage, possibly like many women before.! Who became victim of someone's desires!

Are you willing to be humiliated on the stand just so that you can let a broken justice system teach him a lesson?

For years you wrestled between heart and mind as to who he truly was, Was he a good person or a bad? you couldn't seem to accept the fact that he was both, We like to categorize people in our minds, we want them to fit into nice, neat boxes for our own sanity and comfort.

This question of who he was weighed heavy on your person and leads to the ultimate question.... love or hate?

He being both between hater and lover, holds the key to the answers that could free you or maybe not, maybe the fact that he was an old flame makes you feel as though you could actually ask these questions and that's why you have them in the first place, why he raped you! why he still keeping you, was this love or just a merely obsession!

Why did he do it? What did he think when you kept seeing him after it happened? Did the thought of what he had done ever go through his mind? But most importantly, why couldn't he wait? Why did he need to have you at that exact moment? You were broken and drunk.

Just think one day ... the love of your life forcing you and it took you decades to really acknowledge the abuse and the emotional pain, like you have been haunted by this person and can never discuss it with him.

In the past, ever since it happened you haven't been able to admit to yourself that you actually had feelings for him, as that felt like admitting what happened wasn't real, you want to live with him, was it wrong to love someone who attempted raped and even wanted to keep you by himself and even want them but that doesn't change the meaning of the word 'No'.

He chose to ignore it, the woman's feelings, for him don't change that even this woman resist him ... he want it...

"Bastard, don't touch me.."

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