When I was younger I used to time things.
I would count seconds and watch clocks.
Everything about time fascinated me.
Sometimes I would have contests with my brothers.
I would bet them that I could do something longer or faster than they could.
On one particular day I remember betting that I could go the longest without breathing.
As I counted seconds and held my breath I could feel time slowing down.
I didn't breathe until everyone else had given up and I was blue in the face.
I felt like my head would explode if I went on any longer.
Three minutes and forty two point seven seconds.
That's what the stopwatch that I carried around had said.
That's how long I could go without air in my lungs.
Those three minutes and forty two point seven seconds were the longest in my life.
I had never seen time slow down that way before.
Then I met you.
You walked into my life and I swear, time stood still.
Just like when I was the little girl that refused to be the first to breathe.
Everything was calm and peaceful.
For the first time in forever I was able to process the world around me.
But eventually I had to breathe again.
The first breath after not breathing for so long is always a shock.
Everything speeds up with such a force it almost knocks you over.
That's what it had felt like when I realized that I was letting you go.
It came out of nowhere and hit me hard and fast.
Now don't get me wrong I am not telling you this because I think you care.
I'm simply telling you because I think you deserve some sort of explanation.
I'm sorry that this is the best that I could come up with.
But loving you was a lot like holding my breath.
Eventually I had to breathe again.
It was either that or I would die.
So I hope you can forgive me for leaving you.
I'm just not ready to die yet.
And when I finally am I really hope it isn't because I chose to love somebody so toxic I couldn't breathe.
YOU ARE READING
So This Is Life
Poetry~A collection of poems and other things that I have written~ This is me. All of these are me. My thoughts, feelings, and secrets. These words are mine. They make me who I am. I hope you enjoy them.