cancer

III

twitter for luke was like the bitchiest bitch of high school tightly compacted into an app, and it sucked

on twitter no one sugar coated anything, like, at all it was all straight forward and painful right in the organ above a basic white bitch's left plastic chesticle while she drinks starbucks *sigh* that's pretty painful bro

twitter was a bittersweet thing

on one hand he could stalk kellin quinn and vic fuentes and oli sykes and hasley and Ronnie radke and harry sex god styles and- I mean.. interact with fans, yea lets go with that..

and on the other hand luke could tweet the snowman and snowflake emoji and get called a

"faggot who should die in a fiery hole of hell after being chopped into millions and billions of pieces"

even if it's the middle of winter in fucking alaska

*sigh* whatcha gonna do about it?
nahdah. zip. zero. nothing at all

because there's nothing you can do about it and that's all there is to it fame and fortune and death threats and hate

now I keep talking about luke and his band mates but have I even mentioned his band mates? like at all? like who the fuck are they?

didn't think so lovelies

now i'll go in order, but what order shall i choose? let's go with gayest to straightest

well let's see:
•ashton is pansexual
•michaels bisexual
•calums just a full out gay fuckboy

how does one even fucking put that in order? it just doesn't work so let's put them in an order of longest hair to shortest cos who doesn't wanna talk about a man-bun

here we've got ashton irwin
look up man-bun in the dictionary and there's his face, just plastered right on there
*sweats and talks nervously*
i-i... wonder who put that there...
*scratches head*
*hides from authorities until the world is a happy place full of larries*

anywho.. ashton is a typical

"tumblr-looking-everyone-wants-to-fuck-him-but-he-prefers-male-parts-yet-still-likes-a-ladies-boobage-and-likes-everything-in-between"

typo guy with a heart ö gold and a grown manly man giggle that makes Jesus and all the religious messiahs want to come from their resting places and tickle him in his weirdly ab shaped belly just so he keeps on giggling while everyone on earth sings songs of joy while being literal human heart-eye emojis and there is no other way to describe him<3, actually I just found a way
*clears throat*
*cracks fingers in preparation*
*taps mic*
HE GOT THAT BIG DICKK
*applause*
*whistles*
thank you.

onto mitchell clifford the big red dick- i-i.. i mean dog, yep dog, michael clyford the big red dog..

well. this boy is going to be bald very soon and I feel like we should appreciate his colorful balding hair while it's still attached to his head.

and real.

because let's be honest right now, if michael goes bald he is sooo getting a weave and he's gonna look like a fierce little pale af monkey of a boy
cos he got hairy armpits man, like very hairy. if he cut his arm hair he'd have enough to make himself his very own weave, he's just a poor boy
okay but seriously who didn't love it when mikeys hair was black or seaweed or icecream like those where great times just sayin

michael has known of his sexual orientation since he met luke... but u didn't hear it from me *wink wink* luke doesn't know at all so seriously you didn't hear it from me
he found it unusual that he got a boner as the boy changed infront of him when they first started hanging out...

yea anyways onto this last little fucker of fucking fuckity fucky town fuckboy calvin the asian one

that's all for today folks cos how else are you supposed to describe a fuckboy? oh wait, he's also the gayest motherfucker out there

but, i mean i could mention his jawline chiseled to perfection as all the religious messiahs help in the making of this eighth wonder to the world and between his jawline that cuts bricks of cheese also having cheeks squishier than squishy the jelly fish well this boys features are blessed by our lord zayn malik

*blessings by zayn*
••••••••
a/n big ass chapter for one reason and one reason only, I'm supposed to be cleaning my room and I am not about that life

so until next time my loves