I fucking hate it when people only are friends with me just for jokes or use me as a therapist/emotional punching bag or just to pity me and leave.
It's hard to express my emotions/feelings to someone close to me without having the fear of oversharing too much, being a burden, or them leaving because I might have come off as annoying, petty, overdramatic, or looking to be pitied and babied. So I have to keep everything bottled up, smile, and keep going until someone asks if I'm doing ok emotionally I start crying.
When I start to get comfortable with someone I trust I try not to fully show myself sometimes because there is this lingering anxiety of me being too clingy, coming off too strong, being too weird, and them thinking I'm doing this to get attention and being some annoying bitch who overthinks too much when I send a text and someone doesn't respond in 4 hours already thinking I did or said something wrong already thinking they're ignoring me and start panicking.
I don't want to keep giving my full heart, soul, and attention to someone who's just going to throw me to the side like a second option and to be thankful I'm even being talked to or appreciated. the whole point in trusting you is because I feel safe to open up to you, not too ripe it all up, tell me fucking suck it up and get over it on fucking repeat to the damn point I want to give up on everything and not trust anyone anymore.
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My random rants
Randommight have some cursing if you don't like that stuff don't read, please. The cover doesn't belong to me. Was found on Pinterest
