Rant page .11 "No"

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Saying "No." 

That one word alone is hard for me to say to anyone, I try so hard to find any other way to say no without saying it because the so-called old ex-friends/lovers have tried to guilt-trip me and make me feel like I have to. It pisses me the fuck off when I try to say "No" cause all I get is a reason why it's my fault for everything. their depression, wanting to k!ll themselves, I'm making them 'sad' and block me to see if I come running back for forgiveness.

"It's not that hard. you can do it again you did it before do it again for me please" 

"your such a pretty girl why not?"

"If you don't I will k!ll myself."

"You love me right?"

"Why not?"

"You don't love me."

"Now I want to k!ll myself."

"It's not that hard."

"You don't care about me."

"You are just like her."

Just remembering any of those calls & messages makes me so fuck pissed that I never said no and took up for myself. Going through it over and over and over and over and over on a fucking cycle, just makes me fucking mad. I just want to not be so gullible and feel guilty for someone else's feelings because that's not my problem or responsibility to deal with anyone whos just gonna use and be toxic.




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