Behind The Mask

Chapter 29- Kio

I spent too much time around the hospital bed. Every day after school I would catch the bus to the Hospital and sit in the chair next to Akai's bed. I'd watch as her chest moved with each breath, the machine beeped with each heartbeat, and the bag would slowly drip fluids into her flowing veins. I let this happen to her, so I would stand by her until she either left me or forgave me. for her: I was willing to wait an eternity for her to decide.

I sat there with eyes that would watch, but never see. Ears that would hear, but never listen. With a brain that was there, but also back in the past. Back in the times where she could smile. Back in the times when she couldn't. I sat there, reliving the last 3 years I had had with her. Reliving the moments we were happy. It hurt so much, but I couldn't help it: I missed her so much.

I remembered the first time we met. It was the start of a school year and Kian and I were catching the bus. I was so excited that I couldn't stay still and the other students were starting to give us weird looks. Kian was used to it and just shook his head, although I could see the amusement in his eyes. Then she hopped on the bus. This beautiful, blue-haired girl with eyes that I could lose myself in... if they weren't so lifeless. Her expression was that of a numb, emotionless person. She was not okay.

As she walked down the middle of the bus she kept her eyes on her feet, completely ignoring the people around her. She sat down in the empty seats in front of us. I don't know what compelled me, but I instantly calmed down and felt a sense of worry about this girl. I decided then and there that I was going to do something: I wanted to make her genuinely smile.

I got up and sat next to her. She was facing the window and didn't even move to say she noticed me. Although, I did catch her eye in the reflection giving me a glance. I didn't know how she would react so I didn't place my hand on her shoulder. Instead, I just asked a simple question that set off a wave of events neither of us could have foreseen: "Are you okay?"

Such a big and important question and I got a response just as big. She turned to me, looked me in the eyes and studied me for a second, most likely seeing if I was being serious or not. I watched as slowly the slightest bit of emotion popped up on her face and I got the smallest yet biggest response she could give: "No."

I didn't know what to do in such an open area- I obviously couldn't ask her about it in case other people heard, so I decided that I would just sit with her for now and ask later.

Looking back it was kind of ironic. When she confessed to me, she told me that she wanted to be the one to make me happy. Even back then, I was thinking the same thing, even if I didn't have romantic feelings for her yet.

But later that day, after we'd hopped off the bus, I discovered that this girl was in my class. On the bus trip, I'd asked her name and she'd told me her name was Akai. It was such a pretty name. I introduced myself as Kio and asked her if she'd be willing to talk to me later. She said yes.

At lunch, I walked up to her and brought her to this quiet area with a tree sitting in the middle. We sat down across from each other with her leaning against a tree. We sat in silence for a few minutes before I decided to start the grand conversation. "You said that you weren't okay earlier: do you want to talk about it?"

"What's the point?" she replied, "you won't care. Nobody does."

"Who are you to decide whether or not I'll care? I know we don't know each other, but I want to know you and I want you to be okay. So please, what's wrong?"

"I feel like a part of me is missing. Like something ripped out my soul, took a bite, and put it back. My twin brother died 4 months ago now. He took a bullet that should have hit me. on the way home from school, a man came out of an alley with a gun. My brother was always so protective of me, and he died because of it. He died because of me!" She started breaking down, crying with tears streaming down her face. I didn't know what else to do: I hugged her.

"It is not your fault. Don't ever blame yourself for his death."

"BUT IT IS! It should've been me who died, but it wasn't. I tried fixing that, hoping that if I were to die- maybe it could bring him back! But my parents stopped me. I deserved to die but they wouldn't let me!"

I was shocked beyond words. Here in my arms was the husk of a once bright and happy girl with an amazing brother. She'd been reduced to an emotionless and suicidal flicker of what she once was. No matter what, I wanted to help her.

"Live for him Akai. If you don't live for him, then there was no point in him dying for you. There is a reason for everything that happens, even if we don't know what that reason is. But please, don't kill yourself. Don't die on me. I want to get to know you, to be your friend, and to be someone you want to be around. No matter what, I promise I will be here for you, okay?" She nodded into my shoulder before completely breaking down and being reduced to a sobbing wreck in my arms.

Ever since then, we had grown so close to each other. We started sitting next to each other on the bus and in class, we'd hang out together at recess and lunch, then we started meeting up outside of school. That was when I started developing feelings for her. then we felt comfortable enough with each other that we started going to each other's houses. We became best friends. Then I let her down.

I abandoned her when she was most vulnerable. All because I was scared and selfish. Look where that got her- in a hospital bed with a destroyed knee and cracked ribs. If I had just faced my fear; none of this would have happened. And with that thought, I entered the world of dreams- bound to repeat that same story over and over until woke up.