The truth of it all- Denki Kaminari Angst

20- New home?

Hawks pov~

After I had read Kaminaris file, everything kinda made sense. His phonophobia and discomfort of physical contact is probably due to the abuse he suffered. His happy go lucky attitude and fun personality is probably a defense mechanism to make sure people liked him and didn't leave him behind.

I kinda related to the kid, but I'd healed over time, he clearly hadn't. I'd also had someone to talk to, yeah he had a pretty shitty childhood and he was the complete opposite of a hero, but he was the only one who'd understood. 

Dabi.

Touya Todoroki.

Member of the League of Villains.

All of this was looping round my head as I flew over back to the ua dorms. I had just signed the paperwork necessary to foster Kaminari, now all I needed to do was collect him as for the first week he had to stay at my apartment for "security" reasons. While yes I might have forgot to tell him... oh shit I'd forgotten to tell Kaminari that I was fostering him. Oh well! Whats the worst that could happen?

Quite a bit was the answer.

After I had practically blow the window to pieces by crashing into it by being slightly distracted by my thoughts, I had immediately gone over to my student and practically dragged him over to a corner. When I told him what was happening, he froze. after managing to ground him, Kaminari had bolted from the room. Shinsou and I had both gone after him, finding the electric student in his dorm curled up and crying on the floor, rocking himself from side to side. Shinsou managed to calm him down, but Kaminari just kept repeating the same thing over and over again,

"I don't want to lose him too." I knew immediately that my student was referencing to me, and it shattered my heart.

He was afraid that once he got close to me, I'd leave him.

Or worse, hurt him.

An hour had passed since then, and we had just gotten back to my apartment. For a top pro hero, I had to say that my home wasn't the biggest or flashiest, but I didn't really care,

"Put your stuff in the spare room next to mine, its the pale blue one. Feel free to do whatever you want until dinner kid." I ruffled his hair and took off my coat and goggles, before walking over to my room in order to change into some comfortable clothes- hero costumes were cool and protective, not comfortable. 

Quiet, almost inaudible footsteps was the only thing that told me Kaminari had just gone to his room and closed the door behind him with a soft click. I could only imagine what he was feeling right now.

Kaminari pov~

How was this happening.

Why was this happening.

Why was this cruel, sick joke being played with the one person who actually saw light in my future as a hero.

I couldn't lose him.

I couldn't lose hawks.

Not after what he'd done for me.

Not after everything.

But now he knew that everything.

He'd read my file.

Along with Aizawa and Mic sensei.

Nezu had promised to never tell anyone.

I couldn't lose him.

I couldn't go through that again.

I couldn't lose someone I trusted and... loved.

Why'd I have to be such a fool and drop my guard?

Why'd I have to be such an idiot.

A 

Worthless

Selfish 

Idiot.

"Please." I silently sobbed into my knees, the tears soaking through the thin fabric of my jeans, "Don't let history repeat itself like it has time and time again." But I knew my pleading was worthless.

Just like I was.

He'd end up hurting me.

"They always ended up hurting me!" I screamed, not really caring if I said it out loud and Hawks heard me.

I could feel the static electricity build under my fingers as I clasped my hands over my ears as I slumped down the wall on the floor by my new bed.

I couldn't control it, but I couldn't let it lose. I couldn't. 

I couldn't harm anyone else.

I couldn't hurt someone I loved ever again.

Not after last time.

Not after Touka.

Not after Gran.

Never again.

Not after everyone I'd lost...

All of which were seemingly connected to me.

It's my fault Dad died, I deserved those beatings.

It's my fault Mum doesn't want anything to do with me, I deserved to not be in her life.

It's my fault for getting attached to Raven, I knew she would have to go do her job as an underground pro, and I knew she'd already got someone else. I knew she truly loved her wife Lila. 

I knew I'd intruded on her life.

Just like I was intruding on Hawks life.

I intruded on everyones life.

I deserved the scoldings and insults from my classmates and teachers, I was a stupid stupid idiot.

I messed everything up.

I always did.

I knew I did.

No matter how hard I tried I always did.

I let the electricity crackle around my head, sending small shocks through my body, resulting in a painful amount of electricity shooting through me. 

But I embraced that pain.

Because I deserved it.

Right?

Yeah.

Yeah I did.

I deserved every last drop of it.

Just like I deserved to die.

But just like I knew I couldn't die.

I couldn't break my promise to Issac, my brother.