The Magpie's Death

The In-Between

Twisting a dark blue building block between her fingers, Ellie shuffled beside her father toward The Glass House. Though he stood between her and the edge of the sidewalk, his hand reached out to rest on her back. He didn't know why, but there was a tingling in the pit of his stomach knowing she wasn't watching anything beyond her toy.

A light snort escaped Jade's nose from behind them. "I really can't you figure out."

It was an offhand comment, spoken mostly under her breath, so he ignored it. He wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean anyway. What was she trying to figure out?

"You should be careful with Jack," she added, only a bit louder.

He didn't know what that meant either. Was he not? Aside from a hum or grunt in response to his greetings, Jack gave Sam no chance to interact. Clearly he was still angry over that night. But what could he do about that? There wasn't anything he could say and Jack had every right to be upset. Sam had made the mistake. He had started something he never should have, then did what he needed to end it. The idea of Jack never forgiving him made his heart clench, tightening with a worry that he might be missing something indescribable. But the thought of putting that unknown feeling above Jack's safety felt just as bad. Either way, he lost. The decision to return had always come with that understanding. To sacrifice the new person inside so the hunter could stay.

His phone vibrated in his pocket. He welcomed the distraction until he realized the source of the notification. After a quick glance at Ellie, still preoccupied at his side, he blew out the briefest sigh and pulled up the message.

Sorry this took so long! Had to check my calendar. Work has been so busy.

Apparently in Michelle's world, two days was a long wait to schedule a play date for Ellie. As if he had been sitting around anticipating the moment they could get together. His hand shifted to Ellie's wavy hair, attempting to tame it through is fingers while he reminded himself of the reason he couldn't delete this entire conversation.

How about this Thursday evening? My apartment. You can come over right after preschool.

Alone, with her and two toddlers in her apartment. He was already feeling awkward. Never in his life had he known awkward. Or discomfort or aggravation for that matter. Or the stress of dealing with all of those to please another person. To be liked. To keep a friendly connection to get what he wanted. Was this how everyone felt, going through the motions to live their normal, social lives? It was such a pain.

That's fine, he finally replied, knowing he didn't really have a choice.

A bright, grinning emoji followed by a face swirling in hearts popped up on his phone. Without thinking, he let out a low groan.

"Oh?" Jade asked, peeking around his arm at his screen.

Catching the teasing smile out of the corner of his eye, he quickly ignored whatever follow up message Michelle sent and stuffed the phone in his pocket. He had responded and had nothing left to say.

That didn't stop Jade. "Looks like someone has a date."

He wasn't about to reply to that either. Thankfully, the picket fence was in view. Ellie eagerly grabbed his hand. Her mousey eyes finally left her block, fixing onto his face instead. He gave her fingers a light squeeze and she raised her free arm, her frequent gesture to be carried.

"There's nothing wrong with holding a child," Jade commented when he lifted her to hang on his neck, "but she needs to learn a little independence."

It was always a lecture with this woman. And you could be less bossy when it comes to how I raise my daughter. His eyes widened at the random, possessive thought, and he held Ellie closer to his chest.

With a light exhale, Jade hurried ahead to the path at the open gate. "Just a suggestion. You wanted to know how to help her."

He couldn't imagine she had actually noticed the change in his expression. Still, it probably offended her the way both he and his daughter ignored her well-intentioned help. She did seem to care and was trying to do her job. It was yet another relationship he didn't want or know how to handle.

While she sped to the tall, stained-glass door, his footsteps slowed hitting the stone pavers. He felt so out of place. He had a goal. To survive, to keep himself and Ellie safe, and to avoid causing trouble that might bring him attention. With a huff, his steps halted completely. More attention than he'd already brought, anyway.

But what was he supposed to do in all the moments between? Day after day in this mundane life, waiting for danger to come. He was existing in a limbo that could last a month or a year. It was possible that danger may never come at all. He had wanted this life, he had returned for this, but he still didn't know what to do with it.

"Dada?" Placing a warm palm on his face, Ellie stared, then glanced between the house and their quiet position on the walkway. There was no reason for them to stop and stand out here, so she pointed toward the door and gave him the faintest look of frustration. "Dada."

At least he had this three-year-old girl to keep him in line.

"Ellie River. What would I do without you?"

She didn't understand, giving him a soft breath at his unnecessary and emotional comment. Whatever else confused him, at least he had one clear thing to focus on. The rest he could save for later.

"Let's go see Jack," he said reluctantly, the name making her big, blue eyes sparkle.