The Magpie's Death

Visiting the Past (1)

After sitting Leo down on the bed, Jack pulled out an easel from his closet, setting it up in the light from the window. Then he took a covered canvas from a high shelf. Placing it on the thin, wooden platform, he gingerly pulled the fabric away. Leo leaned forward to stare.

It was a painting of him, or rather Sam, the afternoon Jack had walked in on him changing. His flannel shirt hung from his arms and the magpie tattoo covered his bare back in vibrant blues, greens, whites, and blacks. Turning to look at the mysterious intruder, his expression was tense and suspicious. It was a darker version of himself, one that had died long ago, yet it was still so familiar.

"You painted this?" he asked, glancing over at Jack. His eyes hadn't moved from the image. "This is... amazing." He huffed out a laugh. "I look so cold."

Jack smiled and joined him on the bed, placing a hand on his thigh. "You think so? That isn't what I see." He let out a soft sigh, reminiscing over a more confusing time. "I thought I was angry after you left the next day, but I was actually afraid. I couldn't force this moment from my mind, so I painted it."

"You were afraid that I left because you kissed me."

Jack hummed in agreement, but his fingers twitched against Leo's leg. "That was part of it. It didn't matter that you kissed me back or what you said afterward. I was too insecure to believe it." He leaned his head on Leo's broad shoulder. "But I also think this is when I was certain of my feelings for you. That was the first time I'd heard you say something so warm. You saw I was upset and you tried to comfort me. I knew everything I thought I saw in you was real. And then I just... couldn't stop myself. I'd never felt that way about someone and I was always so hesitant to even approach another man... That moment really scared me."

"I hated this moment," Leo admitted.

Jack turned to him, his green eyes clouded in hurt. He didn't mean it the way Jack thought, but he couldn't help being straightforward.

"Back then I did. I was already determined to leave, but then you did that. It made everything so much harder. I realized what I wanted and what I could never have."

He took Jack's hand from his thigh, giving it a soft kiss. "But now, I think it was the turning point for me. When I left with Finn, I was so depressed. It was a new and awful feeling."

Flashes of himself sulking on the couch or speeding angrily through jobs ran through his head, then he thought of the punk kid in the basement apartment.

"I never told you this, but after I left, I took a job. An open bounty. I found this young kid there instead. He let the mark get away and I was so furious, I almost killed him. I was angry that he was there, that someone so young would choose to live that life, but I was angrier that I was there too, instead of here."

Leo stood and walked closer to the painting, looking over his old face. Even back then, Jack had known him so well, showing everything he was feeling even when he didn't know it himself. Had he really always looked like this? Cold but confused. Paranoid but wanting to trust someone. Angry with his little prison of a life but not open enough to realize. There had been no point in having those emotions, so he'd shut them off instead. Then, a drop here, a trickle there, they started leaking through.

"I knew things were different. I couldn't be this person anymore." Arms slipped under his, circling his waist, and Jack's warm body pressed against his back. "I also knew you were scared and I left you anyway. It was a terrible thing to do."

"The past is the past," Jack assured him. "I hid this painting, first out of shame, and then out of worry that you'd be discovered. But I like it. It was the start of everything and holds all of our old confusion and fear and doubt. We don't need those feelings any longer, but we shouldn't forget them."

Leo nodded and turned in Jack's embrace, tucking a long, red strand behind his ear. "It also proves you should go back to art school."

"What?"

"I was serious when I said I was looking for a job," he told him with a smile. "I'm not very social, but I can watch the desk and do whatever needs to be done. I don't know where you went to college before, but SUNY Plattsburgh is only an hour away from here and-"

He couldn't finish. Jack's lips pressed hard to his and a muffled laugh escaped through his nose. After a long kiss, Jack let him go, taking a breath and pushing a flushed face into his chest.

"What was that for?" Leo asked, trying to coax him up.

Jack took another breath and tightened his grip. "You thought about that? When?"

"While I was wandering." He kissed the soft hair below him. "It isn't right that you had to drop out. The money I left to Ellie wasn't everything, so you don't have to worry about tuition or supplies. I know better than anyone what it's like to be unable to choose your life. You should do what makes you happy."

There was sniffling against his vest and he sighed. It seemed like everything he said and did led to crying. "Really?"

"Really." Jack chuckled. He looked up at Leo smiling down at him and let out a satisfied sigh. "This really is the best day."

"Dada Jack?" Ellie stepped through the open door. "What you doing?" She paused, looking at the painting. "Oh. Dada."

Jack nodded, releasing his hold and walking over to lift his daughter into his arms. "Yeah, I painted your dada. What do you think?"

"Is old dada."

"Smart girl." Leo pet her hair and leaned close to look into her big, blue eyes. "Ready to go visit your mother?"