I don't know what came over me when I did it ...I swear.
Wherever I go I can see you and I remember you.. it's hard, it's not easy to continue with this much guilt and regret dancing in me .. it's like a punishment..is this a punishment? It probably is.
After all what i did was horrible and I didn't have the chance to apologize even..
My eyes is filled with tears as I looks out of the window at the falling snow, he liked winter and snow so much, we used to look outside and laugh, cuddle either judging or make silly comments at the people who pass by and look out on children who used to play outside.
Gossiping was his favourite. He always used to gossip with me or with the neighbors, it was funny.
....
I miss his touch, his hugs, his laugh, his kisses.
It's my fault, I ruined it all.
We could have been happy like any other couple, we could have took it to the next level..bring a puppy and a kitten..he liked rabbits.
Adopted a boy who could help us when we grow up..
But with little greed and selfishness I ruined it and it's not coming back even if I pray all my life for it.
After all being cheated on is really not forgiving, it was our anniversary too, just the worst time.
This anniversary was a huge big fail and regret in my life, it wins the Oscar of the worst day of the year.
This is the very anniversary were I lost my lover..both as in a relationship and in life.
For he broke up with me with a slap that can shake the mentality of a person, his eyes held so much sorrow and rage that I looked down shamefully.
"YOU DISGUSTING UNBELIEVABLE HORNY SHIT! THIS IS IT! GO FUCK WITH YOUR OTHER BITCHES. I'M DONE HERE!"
He said as he slammed the door after him...from the shock I couldn't do anything..I just went numb.
But how can a sweet, kind person like him say things like this? I hoped with all my heart that this could be unreal as I took off and went after him yelling as my eyes started to gather more tears and my view was blurry, seeing him running away crying and people yelling as a crash happened Infront of me.
All bloody...a pool of blood my lover was lying on..I couldn't believe I cried so much and I started shaking.
"No..no..no please, please no. I can't live without you. Don't leave me! I beg you.." *Sobs*
That same day I lost my lover because of my lust and greed..
•present time•
I walk to the cemetery as I sit Infront of a grave and put his favourite flowers..he liked them so much..
"I love you to the moon and back, I love you with all my heart..but no worries my love..I'm gonna join you soon.."
I put the gun to my head and pull the trigger. There I lay on my own crimson warm blood alone as the snow turns from white to red, what a beautiful way to die, next to your own lover's grave and in his favourite season.
"Like this, I'll always be with you, my love my (Y/n)...." I close my eyes as I go to a deep slumber.
I see him humming as I open my eyes slowly 'such a beautiful angel..'
And I close my eyes sleeping on his lap with a smile while him playing with my hair.
Now no one can separate us ever again.
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