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School has become a particularly boring past time. It only exists as an obstacle between me and winning the showcase. If it were up to me, I'd just practice, practice, practice until I'm perfect, perfect, perfect. But it unfortunately doesn't work like that.
Early morning rolls in like waves onto the beach. It's one a.m. and I can't seem to shut my mind off. Inside my head is a raging storm filled with words and one hundred and twenty mile-per-hour winds, and it won't go quiet. I pull on the drawstring attached to my bedside lamp, illuminating orange-tinted light from my lampshade all throughout my room. I squint my eyes, letting them adjust.
My hand tugs the drawer in my bedside table open, and starts feeling around for my leather-bound song book, but it only runs over pencils and pens. My fingers retract, and my breath catches in my throat. Where the hell is my songbook?
I jump out of bed and drop to all fours on the ground. Peering under my bed, all I find is a stuffed animal pig, a couple t-shirts, and my math textbook I have to turn in soon.
Sucking in a deep breath through my teeth, I turn my away towards my backpack. Sinking to my knees, I unzip all the pockets and dump the contents out, digging around for my songbook. I'm making a lot of noise, but my grandma slept through a tornado a couple years ago, so I highly doubt she'll wake up.
Pencils spill out of my bag, along with binders, papers, and an old bag of chips. I sift through everything, making sure it isn't in my bag.
"Where the fuck is it?" I whisper to myself desperately. My whole life spanning from the past few months are inside those pages. There's no way in hell I can lose that fucking songbook. So where the fuck could it-
Shit.
I groan, slapping the palm of my hand to my forehead. Of course this would happen. Of course, of course, of course. I'm a fuckup and I made a bad mistake.
It's at Chris's house.
I never took it out of his house. It was never in the car with me. That means it's in his bedroom. That also means he has the opportunity to read some of the most vulnerable parts of my life that I haven't even shared with Dani or Claire, let alone my grandma.
Guess I'm not going back to sleep tonight.
——————
I read a book until I could see the morning sunlight streaming in through the blinds, dust particles floating around in the air like dainty dancers.
It's a school day, so Chris should be up by now. I take the phone in my room and dial his number he gave me a while ago.
