Pirates of the Caribbean Oneshots

Conversations About Cats

"We don't need one onboard."

"She'll keep the vermin down."

"That is precisely why I have a very good canine ratter aboard."

"You just don't like cats."

"That is correct. I don't like cats, and will not be having one on my ship."

"She's cute." Cormac looked at the fluffy grey tabby cat he was currently holding. The cat purred loudly as he scratched it behind the ears, the tip of her tail twitching.

Teague rolled his eyes slightly. "So take her home to Grainne with the rest of the cats you accumulate and then get your arse back onto this ship so we can sail."

His quartermaster looked at him pleadingly for a minute, while he folded his arms over his chest, dark gaze level and expression unmoved. "No."

"No, what? What's he denying you Cormac?"

"A cat." Cormac's attention turned to Roxanne. "A cute, fluffy cat who'd catch rats. An irresistible ball of fluff-"

"Oh god, it is cute." Roxanne came to stand beside him, petting the cat with a soft smile. She turned a look of reproach on her husband. "Pray tell what you have against him bringing it onto the ship?"

"We don't need it, and I don't like cats."

"How can you dislike something as cute as this?" Roxanne asked, incredulous, as the cat purred in response to her stroking.

"I don't dislike it, specifically. I dislike it simply because it's a cat, and cats, in my experience, are all arseholes regardless of how cute they are. Demons in fur coats, with too many sharp claws and teeth."

Roxanne let out a soft but very unladylike snort. "That's a little bit dramatic. What did a cat ever do to you to warrant this dislike?"

"Existed. And doesn't obey commands like a dog does."

"Mmm, cause all your dogs are so very obedient," Cormac said dryly while shifting his arms slightly as the cat moved, claws digging lightly into his shoulder.

Teague glanced at the terriers sitting by his feet. "They're obedient enough to eat that cat if I told them to."

"Edward Teague, I sincerely hope you're joking." Roxanne stepped away from Cormac to face him directly, one eyebrow raised sternly, hand settling on the hip where her sword rested.

"Or I could just drop it overboard, see if it knows how to swi-I'm taking the piss, I'm not going to hurt the cat because you're going to take it home to Grainne and she's going to love it and then you're going to get your arse back here where it belongs and we're going to go to Shipwreck Cove, isn't that right, Cormac?"
Teague had cut his first sentence short at a dangerous look from his wife and was now starting pointedly at his best friend.

"She'd be excellent at keeping mice down-I'm going, keep your hat on."
Laughing at Teague's moody glare, Cormac let Roxanne give the cat one last scratch behind the ears before stepping off the ship and heading in the direction of his home, the feline now dozing against his chest.

Roxanne watched him go before turning to Teague again. "I'm guessing there's no hope of us ever getting a cat then?"

He levelled the same glare that he had previously used on Cormac onto her instead. "Absolutely, definitely not. Ever. All those threats I just made against the hairball Cormac is currently cuddling apply to any cat ever brought into my immediate vicinity. No pet cats, that is my final word and one of the only things I'm insisting on. None on the ship and none at home either."

She sighed. "Guess I'll just have to put up with your dogs then."

Teague placed a light kiss on her head. "Technically they put up with you. I had dogs before you came around."

"Edward?"

"Mm?"

"Shut up."

A/N This was one of those things that would not leave me alone until I'd written it. It's not fabulous, but at least the idea is out of my head now.