Living & Surviving "HELL ON EARTH"

CHAPTER #3 "Lifetime of Unfortunate Events"

" I feel like I've been writing forever non-stop its wild because a lot has happened already in this crazy ass story and the first chapters was wild, I literally was upset at people from the past and it made me sick for two reasons, #1 The people who hurt me got away with hurting me and probably others and fucking up my own quality of life ina way" #2
just the fact that I'm here all fucked up and beating myself up because I was being a good person to others for YEARS... I grew up hard it wasn't easy at all life was tough from the beginning still is but that shouldn't be any surprise because as life goes on we get more mature learn from mistakes and problems that were problems are no longer issues anymore because were willing to put the work in" "You have to want to help yourself, but the thing was earlier I suggest to myself that maybe I didn't have the damn answer all these times" I think I do I can lay it all down and tell myself this shit and that shit and as soon as my depression hits all that goes out the window only because there's no clear form of motivation currently in my life, yeah I go to work every day pay bills, live life like a normal person but I feel I'm just doing the minimal work compared to what I could..you see that ????!! Its a full on attack on myself but I'm only being completely honestly I have held Myself and opted to stay in my comfort zone because I was scared of change....
"I don't know if you guys remember my earlier chapters I blamed my current trauma on people of the past such as "bullshit friends, relationships" & just specific individuals who I honestly 100% WRONGED me in the past. Well I've somewhat moved past all that hate but yet I still hate on myself and really thinking about it now at 2:05 am it makes me sad. Its sad that people get so damn hurt that they question not only themselves but everything from their job to their everyday life choices all cause someone didn't care about hurting and or traumatizing someone's life because that shows you how selfish this world and its people are, I cannot let other peoples actions consume me or impact my choices and make feel lesser, for me I will always be the better man I look at these people who hurt me and think to myself, like just how trashy and useless these people I'm tripping off of? I'm not gonna stress over people that aren't relevant in my life it is a waste..
" I know that I will come to peace with my past and the demons from my past, and put it to rest completely it's far from over but I know suffering will not be a forever thing... its important to look at the positive side when it comes to things, as long as you make peace and no longer allow those past trauma to effect your present day, it will hold you back from seeing your ultimate potential. I don't know if I've said this previously maybe I did but its worth it to mention it again but living with regret or resentment isn't healthy and will eat you up inside.. that's not a fun feeling at all especially when you think about your battles already with anxiety and depression you are going to have another battle to fight If you want my opinion the EASIEST demons to ace has to be eliminating regret or any possible resentment especially if you can avoid it "take risks" "do the things you love to do, in my life I've taken so many risks and been open with potentially taking a loss. Normally I'd avoid losing at all costs, ensure my preparation for whatever task or assignments I come across in my life which will be a lifetime worth obviously, I keep myself busy generally with just different things or hobbies, as well as fitting the podcast into my schedule as well"
I think life happens fast and countless amounts of days, hours, minutes and precious seconds go by and with each passing day I try to tell myself, convince myself that I'm not wasting any time and that I'm doing the absolute best I can in which I can say because I'm only going off of the hands I was dealt in my life. Like I've said my life has been more amazing then anything else. The Ratio of how many good times vs. bad times The good times outweigh BY A LONGSHOT,
"I'm just a normal person no different from any other individual soul I'm human, I'm humble everyday for me is a learning lesson, I know so much about life I feel so wise because of my knowledge but I also am a passionate learner always have been. I'm not lucky or blessed at all however I do hold myself higher then most I carry myself I believe in myself I believe I'm better at many different things but humble enough to admit where I'm not the most talented as well, pretty much like your bread and butter, I'm not like most I see it as the last of a dying breed. What I mean by that is that this new aged generation of people are full of disloyalty, zero accountability, and individuals who treat people badly like its the normal thing to do in life, that's life tho ladies and gentlemen we can't do shit about what happens only how we react,
"I mean a lot of us have went threw enough bullshit for more then one person individually" gine threw things that are meant to tear you apart, but how you get yourself out of that pain and out of that dark hole is the real important question, I question, I ask, I wonder when will i feel like myself again ? When will I change my outlook and or approach to my life.? "
You'd think after taking so much bullshit and damage in life you'd want to try to help yourself and get yourself out that rut, I just never liked that I was okay with suffering or having the minimal of things especially if I've had more and earned more accomplishments in my life in itself, I do not know if I was scared or too worried to come out my comfort zone because all of the trauma it might take me longer to be able to adapt to change depending on how significant the damage & pain were to that individual, I don't like to hold onto anger or stay mad because it physically makes my stomach twist, on top of getting stomach anxiety which isn't any more fun.
"I mean anyone can lay out the basics of what life is and consists off and it sounds pretty basic" we work, we come home, we sleep, eat REPEAT" every single day, does anyone think about life other then the basics? Like in other words what's our overall purpose?? not as one human but humanity combined, but individual ones purpose is the most mportant things you can have apart of your own life.
"If you decide to look at life in that basic view then nothings going to be exciting and fun for you, I feel like not having a purpose or your "Reason Why" it can really put people in a "Mental Mind Block" where you can't even think straight and the anxiety is so high you can't even function properly or see things with a clear view. Lifes hit me hard and I can't sit and complain about this and that, I can't list every single damn thing that's happened and cry about it . A lot of people go threw so much drama and bullshit in their lifes and are hit hard with the most worst things and situations and mentally and emotionally that can be draining and cause bad depression. Depending on how badly a individual has been hurt will be the deciding factor into how they handle a certain or specific situation moving forward, how they have come to terms with the trauma, how they've practiced fighting the battle, identifying your purpose and what your fighting for, keys to where your life should be heading"
"Life's so important and we sometimes don't appreciate things as much as we should that's how thousands of people are, it's kind of crazy but America compared to other countries, it's not even close, what I mean is that I feel so many people here in America are selfish, terrible, disloyal and very greedy.. " it's not hard to make sure your family is fed in this day and age, welfare and food-stamps , easy internet access it's not hard to make sure your kids are fed in some ways. Obviously you've gotta make ends meet you've got bills, and you've gotta make sure your family is fed, especially if you got kids but I know that so many families do receive help from the government. That's perfectly fine id never judge anyones situations because you just don't know what people are facing and going threw,
I'm very humble even if life's been rough, but I'm just acceptable of the bullshit I don't let it consume me, my past all the terrible people, none of those people or things will matter in the future"
I haven't lost shit, in life I've only gained knowledge and wisdom. People are jealous I know I have silent haters and it's in fact hilarious. I live life I don't associate with drama, or any bullshit its just not who I am, I just do all the things I'm passionate about and that's that.
I'm so far ahead mentally" of so many I'm so wise, so focused so accomplished, I know everything I deserve to have in this beautiful life.