smokey eyes and clear skies

pt.4 ben

Jamie gets up to greet whoever is at the door. I can vaguely hear a conversation but its hard to make out any words. Part of me wants to get up and make sure he's okay. I mean, he'll be fine right? What if it's his mom, or his dad? What if – no, i'll just go make sure everything is okay.

When i walk into the kitchen i see jamie hugging a woman who I can only assume is his grandmother. He's crying. "Is everything okay?" i ask. "It will be okay, i think." the woman says with a slight polish accent. 

I put my hand on jamie's back and he lets go of the hug and looks at me. I can see the tears streaming down his face. "I'll be okay, i'll probably be staying with my grandma for here on." he says, his voice still shaky. "I promise to take good care of him" the woman says.

I look at jamie who's wiping his face and still crying. His blonde hair falls into his face and he pushes it back a few times before giving up. His shoulders are still damp from his hair dripping. My hoodie is huge on him, it just makes him look small and afraid. 

I know he's crying out of relief but god, i just want to hold him and tell him everything is okay and protect him from everything. His smokey eyes leave lines down his face even after he wipes them away. The tears leave his under eyes pink and leave the same pink streaks down his cheeks, as if his tears are burning his face.

"I"m glad you have a place to live," I say to jamie, "i'm ben by the way." i say, extending my hand for jamies grandmother to shake. She shakes my hand and smiles at me "I'm glad he's found someone kind like you." she says. "Um, babaci says you can have some pagac if you want, they're really good." Jamie says, wiping his eyes on the sleeve of the hoodie i gave him, finally collecting himself. 

"Whats pagac?" i say, totally butchering whatever word jamie said. "They're like, cabbage and meat and pastry, you should try one." he says, picking one up with a paper towel and handing it to me. "Thank you" i mutter.

"We were just watching a movie, if you wanted to join us." i offer to Jamies grandmother. "I appreciate the offer, i was just dropping off the food and telling james he can stay with me, he can still spend as much time as he wants here as long as it's okay with your parents." she says. 

"He's always welcome here!" i hear my mom shout from the living room. "I should head back soon before your grandfather has a fit, love you, i'll see you tomorrow?" jamie's grandmother asks. "Yes, of course!" jamie smiles. He hugs her and she pats my shoulder before leaving.

"Should i bring the plate of pagac into the living room?" jamie asks. "I can get it" i say, picking up the plate and bringing it into the living room. I put the plate down on the coffee table and dad picks up the remote. "So are you still staying the night? You're more than welcome to since its not a school night." he says "i think so, yeah." jamie says.

I smile at him before sitting on the couch and wrapping a blanket around me. Jamie sits next to me so i take the blanket and wrap it around both of us. He snuggles in and i kiss him on the forehead. He's adorable like this, his smile, his hair falling in his face. The movies plays and we all enjoy the food jamies grandma brought for us.

After the movie, everyone scurries off to their own rooms. Jamie follows me to my room. I grad some extra pillows from the closet and jamie stands in the door way holding a stuffed bear. "What about the blow-up mattress?" he asks. "Jamie, love, i'm fairly sure they all know you never use it anyway." i say smiling at him. He smiles back. I put the extra pillows on my bed neatly and flip up the corner on the blanket. I crawl into bed and motion for jamie to lay next to me.

Jamie walks over the bed and crawls into bed next to me. He snuggles in close, still holding the bear. We fall asleep in eachothers arms. Right here, in this very moment, all of the days worries wash away. Nothing else matters right now but me and jamie, and it's oddly comforting.

In the morning, i wake up before jamie. He always sleeps in on weekends, sometimes he doesn't wake up until 2 in the afternoon. Luckily, i'm able to wiggle out of bed without waking up jamie. I put the blanket back over his shoulders before wandering into the kitchen to make breakfast.

I end up with a couple of fried egg sandwiches and knock on rheas door so ask her something and give her her breakfast. She opens the door and just stares at me. "I see you brought a peace offering, what do you want this early." she says, slowly taking the plate as i present it to her. "Can i give on your monsters to jamie? There's four left right now and jamie usually has at least one everyday." i say.

"Yeah, sure, does he like the white ones?" she asks. "I've seen him drink them sometimes, so it works." i laugh. "Nope, hold on." rhea turns around and opens the foot tall mini fridge on her desk that has about 4 cans of low carb blue monster energy. I thought that was just for decoration, i didn't know it actually opened. She hands me one of the low carb blue monsters and closes her door.

I go back to the kitchen and somehow manage to balance my plate, jamie's plate, a can of monster, and a can of Redbull all the way to my bedroom. Jamie is still fast asleep which makes sense for him. It's only 10:00. I put his plate down and the can of monster on the nightstand next to the bed, then i put my plate and the Redbull on my desk.

I should wake up Jamie before his food starts to get cold, but he's sleeping so peacefully. Given the day he had yesterday, he deserves the peace of extra sleep. The food can be reheated. I walk over and gently plant a kiss on his forehead before opening my laptop and plugging in my earbuds to watch youtube while i eat my breakfast.

When he does wake up, i hear a quiet "oh, ben you didn't have to." from jamie. "Good morning sleepy head. Also, i wanted to make you breakfast, you deserve it." i say, "it's probably cold by now, here i'll go warm it up." i say, standing up to collect his plate. "If it's too much work you don –" Jamie starts. "Nope, uh uh. Not today, you are having a self care day, so no apologies!" i joke. I kiss his forehead before walking into the kitchen to reheat his food.

I put his food in the microwave and set it for 30 seconds. As i'm waiting on jamies food mom walks into the kitchen, quickly followed by dad. "Hey, will you 3 be okay here by yourselves? Your dad is dropping me by the clinic on his way to work, one of our nurses was a no show." mom says. "Yeah of course!" i say. 

"Are you sure?" she asks. "Yes, now go be cool and help people n stuff.' i say. "C'mon honey, we'll be late." dad says, ushering mom out the door. "Okay, i love you! Have fun!" mom says as she walks out the front door.

The microwave beeps and i grab jamies food and bring it to him. "Here is your meal, fresh from the microwave," i say, placing it on the bedside table. "Thank you, i'm really sorry i–" jamie starts. "The s word" i say. "Right, sorry" he says.

I stare at him blankly before he realises and we both laugh. "Did you make yourself breakfast? You need to eat too" he says. "I already ate while you were sleeping. I woke up early." i say, gently pushing the hair out of his face.

Right here, in this exact moment, i know everything will turn out okay. I know the transition between places will be hard for jamie, but it'll be what's best for him. Plus, he'll be closer to my house. Things will be hard but they'll get better, i know they will. No matter what happens, i'll always love this boy.