My Boyfriends dad

Part 39

May 15th

It was now my birthday. I didn't really want anything big because i had the wedding on its way. I was actually nervous to marry tony and I'm not sure why. I have been with him two years basically and i have a child with him but it still makes me scared to marry him. May be stupid but its me being me. I haven't really had the best of months after Nola's birthday i went into a depression stage and i was harming myself. Nobody knew because i didn't tell anyone. I would cry while everyone was sleeping. I wanted to end my life a couple of times but i thought of everyone and Nola and i stopped but i have been clean in harming myself for 4 days so far. I used to do it when i was younger but never told anyone until my gran found me doing it. She got me help and it did help and I haven't done it since until two weeks ago.I was currently sat in the compound garden. Tony brought us back here last night so i could wake up with everyone but i didn't exactly wake up with them as i was outside chilling in the sun. I was looking at the clouds i loved them. They always made me smile i know they are just white fluff in the sky but it makes me happy. I was chilling when i feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. It was Tony face timing me.

Me- hey

Tony- good morning birthday girl why on earth are you outside?

Me- why not? Sunny day

Tony- well the reason we came here last night was so when you wake up you could see everyone but you are sat outside.

Me- i like the outdoors.

Tony- come inside sweetheart.

Me- okay.

We hang up and i put my zipped jacket back on. I covered myself from showing them all my arms. Its hard i want to tell them I really do but i just cant. I trust them and i know they wont judge me but i feel as if i am hurting them because im hurting myself.

I walked through the door and i was sweating but i couldn't take it off. I just cant put them through it. I haven't even had sex or gotten changed in front of tony since. I walked into the main room and put on my fake smile as i have been doing these past few days.

"There she is the birthday girl!" Nat says.

"Hey" i say fake smiling.

"That wasn't very energetic whats up?" Pepper asks.

"Oh nothing im just tired. I woke up early" i say.

I sit down next to tony and everyone wishes me happy birthday. Tony places Nola on my lap and i smile. She is getting like a proper little girl now and i cant believe she isn't a baby baby anymore.

"What do you wanna do for your birthday day?" Sam asks.

"Sleep?" I say.

"No come on don't be boring. What about the beach we all know you love the beach" Scott says

"Not today. Im cold" i say.

"Your cold but sweat is dripping down your face? Are you sure?" Bucky says.

"Yeah think im becoming ill" i say.

"Take your jacket off" scott says.

"No im fine" i say.

"Please honey" tony says.

"Fine. Please dont shout at me or have a go at me or even be pissed off at me" i say handing Nola back to tony.

"Whats up?" Peter asks.

I unzip my jacket and pepper gasps.

"What?" I ask.

"Your pregnant again?" She says.

"No not quite" i say.

I take my jacket off and they all gasp. I started crying and i put my head into my hands.

"Cal why didn't you say" nat says hugging into me.

"I couldn't. I knew you would all hate me for it. I didn't want to worry you" i say.

Tony places Nola on Bucky's lap as he was next to tony and he pulls me in for a hug. I carry on crying on his shoulder while he smooths my hair

"Shh its okay. Come on lets go for a ride" tony says.

I nod and he helps me up. He asks the others to look after Nola and we head to his car. When we got in there i stared out the window and his hand was on my thigh the entire time. After about fifteen minutes we stopped in a car park and there was nobody there but us. He killed the engine and looks at me

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks

"Yeah...l" i say.

"Just take your time" he says holding onto my hand.

"It was a few days after Nolas birthday I wasn't in the best of moods. I felt really down and i missed my grandparents but then i kept thinking about my parents and i blamed myself for what they did to me. I just wasn't myself but i was crying every night and i wanted to end things but instead i grabbed a knife and i found myself doing it to myself" i say chocking on my words. "I kept doing it and the only time i stopped was around four days ago. I dont want to do it again tony I really dont but i just dont know how to stop fully. I used to do it when i was younger but my grandma found me and gave me help and it worked but i want to do it on my own tones" i say.

"Sweetheart we are all here for you. Im sorry that this is happening to you" he says.

"Im sorry for putting you through this with me" i say wiping my tears.

"Honey i will do anything to help. So will the avengers" he says.

"I know. I think we better go back so i can explain" i say.

"Okay" he says.

We drive back and i sit in the main room with them all and explain. We all shred a few tears and shared hugs.

"If you ever feel depressed okay call or speak to one of us okay?" Nat says hugging me

"I will. Im sorry" i say.

"Dont be. We all love you" she says.

"I love you all more than i can ever imagine. You have all helped me through these past two years. Im greatful for it" i say.

"Your more than welcome. Sorry it hasn't been a great birthday for you. How about we all watch a few films and eat a load of shit" bucky says.

"Sounds like a plan" i smile.

And thats what we did. We all laid on the sofas and made little beds on the floor and we all chilled until we all passed out from tiredness