oops! ➸ one-shots

abnormality

You feel it for the first time when you're seven. Your heart flutters when he walks into the room, and you don't really know why. You do know, however, that you really like his shoes. They glow when he stomps.

You ignore the abnormality.

When your heart next jumps, you're ten and you find yourself immediately transported back into that classroom with the blue walls and short desks, looking at the little boy with the light up shoes. It's the same boy, this time, three years later, except now he's wearing boots. You wonder what this feeling is, and why you are feeling it. He catches you staring and tilts his head at you. You smile sheepishly, and look away. What is this?

He moves away a year later. You are partly relieved, as he was only causing confusion for you. Why was your chest clenching whenever you saw him? You don't really want to know. You're only ten. It's much too confusing business for a ten year old, you think.

You ignore the abnormality.

You decide it's finally time to assess this feeling when you're eleven and there's a new boy in school. He sits next to you in class and you find yourself waking up earlier in the morning so that you can look better for him. Your heart jumps whenever he is near.

He grins at you when you come to class every morning, brushing his black hair out of his eyes. You smile sheepishly, and look away. You know what this is.

You've recently learned about these feelings from your parents. They're normal, you were told. But your parents also told you it was normal to have these feelings for girls. Why is it always a him?

You ignore the abnormality.

McKenna asks you to go to a dance with her when you're twelve. At this point, you really want to like girls. But girls just don't make your heart skip a beat like boys do. You say yes to McKenna. Maybe it takes longer with girls, you think.

You go to the dance with McKenna, and she asks you to slow dance with her. You do, and her friends all fawn over the two of you, saying how cute you are.

"Guys, you should totally date," one says, and you wish they would leave you alone.

McKenna is pretty. She has curly blonde hair and eyes like caramel. She is very nice and funny, and you want to like her the way you like boys. You don't know why you don't.

You ignore the abnormality.

You date McKenna, like all her friends said you should. This dating doesn't consist of anything but occasional hand-holding and going to the movies, but it feels wrong. You wish it didn't.

You're with McKenna when you see a boy that causes your stomach to roll - in a good way - and you snap your gaze away from him. You can't help yourself but look again, and when you do, his eyes meet yours. You smile, sheepishly, and look away.

McKenna wonders if something is wrong, and you tell her 'no,' even though there is. You think you're broken, dysfunctional. Why, why always boys? You don't get it.

It's hard to ignore the abnormality.

McKenna breaks up with you a few months later because you're distant. You won't talk to her and you won't tell her why not. It's because of the boy with the blue eyes that sits in front of you in history class. You feel bad about what you were doing to McKenna, so you apologize and tell her the truth. You've never told anyone before this, and you don't know if it's the right thing to do.

"You're gay?" McKenna responds with, and you stare blankly at her.

You've heard people say the word before, but it was always a bad thing. Oh, man, that's so gay. You didn't really understand the meaning, as no one had really ever told you.