A Season of Masks and Masquerades

Chapter 62: The Moral of the Story

It began in his eyes, the effect of Esther's words. What began as a small glisten turned into a layer of wetness, his skin turned dark and his jaws tightened. She could see his heart breaking on his face but that was the only way. That was the only option.

His head dropped and landed on her forehead, defeated. He took a deep breath of acceptance. There was no revolt in his actions. His submission broke something in Esther but again, that was the only way.

"What about us?" He asked in the most hopeless voice like he wasn't even expecting a response.

"There is no us anymore Edward, it was a lie." She hated herself for saying so. The moment she did, Edward's head fell down and settled in the crook of her neck on her shoulder.

"It is our wedding day, Esther." He spoke into the skin of her neck. "Is there really no chance?"

She did not want to answer that. She wanted to just disappear, resume this conversation later. Or make it all disappear, pretend it never happened. Go back home, wear her wedding gown and walk down the aisle to him. Say the wedding vows and leave with him to their new life. But it was the thought of the life that awaited her after that terrified her. A life she had always hated, a fate she had always abhorred. She couldn't walk herself into it. She couldn't murder her own beliefs, that would be the murder of herself. And after that, she would be dead.

"I hate lies, Edward," she said in a whisper but all Edward could hear was- 'I hate you.' She hated him.

"I hate lies," she repeated, "I cannot possibly live one." 

As much as Esther wanted to walk the other road, she knew she would only be ruining both their lives with such a decision.

He was looking for love, she however had none in her anymore.

Edward sucked a sharp breath and then sighed on her skin. His muscular hands wrapped around her and squeezed her into himself. They stayed like that for a long time. Esther did not move, the warmth comforted her, it seemed to melt away her worries and it was almost changing her mind when he broke away.

Edward took a big step back, his hand swept the letter that he had earlier placed on the bench behind him without Esther noticing it. She had not noticed when she had stopped sobbing and started weeping into his hug but now that he was not filling her with his comfort, she took a while to squeeze the last bout of tears off her eyes. 

When she looked up, he had already walked down the aisle and was only a few steps away from the door. A few steps between them and their never-together. At that moment she felt the deepest urge to make him stop moving, if only for a while. He was moving too fast.

"Wait-" she heard herself say and the church echoed after her. She realised that the rain had stopped, completely. There wasn't even a drizzle to be heard anymore. Edward had halted midstride but he did not turn as he waited for her to speak. A part of Esther ached to see his face, one last time.

"Why did you do it?" She asked. She did not quite know why the question made its way out of her mouth. Whatever it was that he would say, it wouldn't change anything anymore. It wasn't so that she had not tried to forgive him. Heavens knew she had been trying to find excuses for him, trying to reason all his lies. She had put all of herself into making him innocent, or at least forgivable, despite the fact that he had committed against her that one sin that she hated more than anything.

Maybe she was not yet ready to let him go, maybe she was still looking for an excuse to see if she had it in her to forgive him, one last time.

Edward hesitated for a while, a long stretched while, and Esther's anticipation that had her breath caught in her throat didn't help. For a moment there she thought he would just not answer, that he had no answer at all. There had never been a reason, to begin with. He just did it to play with her feelings and didn't know when to stop. Given his reputation, she wouldn't have been too surprised either.