HS cast Khris

Part ten

I wake up in a dog pile consisting of kit and corrin, corrin. Thats weird but I like it, I'll have to ask for permission to call him that when he wakes up. I didn't want to move and I didn't, I don't want to wake them up, I just wanna enjoy this for a little longer. I look up at kit, then look down at cormac. They looked so at peace, I just wish that could be me. From the second I wake up I'm bombarded by the worries of my mind, there is not one waking moment where I'm at peace. The thought of this makes me tear up. I had the friends I always wanted, caring, fun, loving, and funny. But for some reason I still couldn't be happy, I remember as a kid I thought that I was born too late for friends. Every friend I ever had always had someone they would place ahead of me, even though I would sacrifice them over myself.maybe that was true, maybe I was born too late for friends, I have no doubt in my mind if kit had to choose between me and his best friend he would chose the ladder. And for some reason I'm okay with that, being last never really meant anything to me, or it used to at least. Maybe that changed, I don't know. I feel rustling and I turn to see kit waking up.
Khris:
"Finally, your awake"
Kit:
"We're you waiting for me?"
Khris:
"Yeah didn't wanna wake you up by accident."
Kit:
"Ooh okay"
He blushes at this and I smile at this fact, I wake corrin up and we get ready for the day, we had to pick up the suits for the funeral, we didn't buy cause I don't plan on being there for a long time. We get dressed and leave for the shop, we get there get our suits and sign some papers so they can be returned. For some reason the fact that we got the suits just stayed with me. This simple action just solidified the fact that my mother is dead. But this didn't make me sad how could she die, she didn't even say goodbye! Not even a note, nothing! She left nothing!!. At this point I realized I'm squeezing my hand so much it's starting to bleed, thank god I'm not wearing anything white, even so corrin notices and asked if I'm okay.
Corrin:
"Hey, you okay?"
Khris:
"Yeah, corrin I'm fine"
Corrin:
"Corrin?"
Khris:
"Ooh, sorry is it okay if I call you that?"
Corrin:
"Yeah it's fine, no biggie"

At this point we are in a car, when we get back to our apartment I go to my room and start to do some work for Yasmin, she didn't mind giving me time off but it helped me get some things off my mind. After I finished my work I saw kit also answering some emails. I told him he could use my room to work in a more private area. Him and corrin shared a room for the time being so they couldn't get a lot of privacy, he accepts and goes into my room to work. I had to go and do something before the funeral. I need to go and see my teacher, the one I got into contact with and talk to him, I know I left him with more questions then answers. And it's only right of me to answer some of those questions. As I'm walking to my old school I remember all the times I had. I never had to think about till now and just thinking about is enough to make me want to vomit. The bullying, the long walks alone, the "friends" I had, all of these made me hate this school. The only good ones were with henri and khristopher but those memories were just that, memories. When I walk into the school and go through security  I walk up the stairs and start to head to the teachers designated room, this was right after the school day so kids were still inside the school. Some I knew others that knew me and some I was actually okay with. I didn't bother trying to explain things to them, they had no right to know and I already know what they will say to it. That's how shallow these people were, before I made it to the teachers room I saw one of my "friends". She as a person wasn't so bad but she was one of those people that would say they like you but never actually did. She gave me a side eye  and some indescribable whispers in the background but I ignored it. I walk into this teachers room and nerviously say hi.
Khris:
"Hey mr. Atom"
Mr. Atom:
"Uuuhhh.... Hi."
Khris:
"I kno-"
Mr. Atom"
"Who are you?"
Khris:
"Uh... never mind."
As I walk out of the room those words stay... those words as simple as they where or as harmless as they seem.. they stuck. They solidified what I previous believed, not only that but completely changed it. Before I believe that I wasn't meant for friends, true real friends. But now I truly sole heartening believe that I'm not meant to be. Not meant to be with anyone I am even beginning to think that no one was meant for me, that I'm the problem. As I'm walking home I remember things, things about my childhood, and it makes me want to vomit. I get home and by that time it's night time, kit and corrin are outside doing some touring things. This left me some time to myself, the words I said before came back. My mother truly left me with nothing, she genuinely hated me, my mother told me one time that I was never meant to be, my father confirmed this, he even told me that his mother was so deranged that she almost hurt my mother to not have me. Imagine how much of a pest you have to be to have someone get violent just to not have you before your born, that's crazy. I'm truly a forsaken curse...

A/n:  hiiiiii, sorry for the long pause in the story, some things came up and school started again, chances are I won't be able to write so often but I'll try. And in light with the kit Connor situation I'd like to say that it is no one's right to force an answer out of you, if that answer is your sexuality or not it isn't they're business.