The Deceiving Winds

Hard

"You're Not Special"

What?
I Thought I was in heaven and all that love was gonna keep me safe.

I woke up In a Hospital and was told that I had fainted and that I had internal bleeding.

I spent 4 months in and out of the hospital and had panic attacks
This wasn't real
I'm numb

Numb
Numb
Numb
I can feel the deep dark underneath of me but I can't stay there for very long

I open my eyes and see the lake, trees, grass, and sky in the distance.

I'm at the beach house and everything has changed.

How did I get here
I see a lady
Slim, tall, brunette, and wearing a red bikini.

She is sitting on the large sofa watching the sun shine on the shore.

When she sees me she gets up and walks over to me, she says something, but It sounds like mumbles to me, but I can't make it out.

She finally says something to me again, I hear it "are you okay you look like you've been crying" she says more coherently this time, she holds my shoulders and looks me in the eyes and says "it's not your time boy, take a deep breath."  I try to, but I can't breath.

I feel like I can't breath.

It hurts to breathe,

She looks at me and says "you need to breathe" I shake my head, I don't know how I can do this, but she looks so reassuring and seems to be able to read my mind.

She turns and calls my name, it makes me look up, I'm in this woman's arms, she looks me in the eyes and says something again "do you hear me.

You need to listen to me, this is important." I'm trying but I can't hear her. I finally mumble something "I can't."

She stops and looks at me, her eyes are filled with worry,

"Come on now.

Breathe for me.

You need to come back.

You need to breath" I can't say anything, I don't want to

I'm scared.

She tells me to stop fighting it, that I need to do what she tells me to do.

The next thing I know I can breathe again, she keeps talking to me trying to get me to say something to her.

I have no idea what she's saying but I can feel it coming out of my mouth.

"What is it?" She says "are you okay.

I can see that something is wrong.

Are you feeling okay?" I shake my head.

"Well then, I need you to tell me.

Tell me what's wrong.
You can trust me.

I'm not gonna hurt you or anything."

"Suicide." I mumble

"What?" She said.

"Suicide" I said again and again.

"Are you serious?

Are you telling me you want to die?" She asked.

She is shaking her head in disbelief

"Don't worry boy, it's not your time.
I'm gonna take you to the nurse.

They know how to help you."

"The nurse?

What do you mean, what do they know how to help me?"