I can’t believe this.” A boy sitting beside you said, staring wide eyed at his phone screen.
“What?” I asked, tilting my head to the side in confusion.
He ignored me. Instead of looking at me or acknowledging me at all, his eyes continued to stare at his own phone screen until he reached an app titled ‘Shit! Is This My Life Now?!’.
The words appeared on the screen and he scrolled through the results. There were about five thousand results from an app called ‘Shit! Is This Your Life NOW?!’ It looked pretty easy on paper, but when I took a closer look it seemed to be rather complicated and I wasn’t exactly sure what you meant by it.
I was about to try asking again when he suddenly shut off his phone.
“Are you okay?” I asked, not really sure if that question applied to him in particular or just because this whole situation was strange.
“No, I am not okay,” he muttered, running his hand through his hair, which he had somehow managed to lose the tie to.
The way he looked right now made me think that he might cry. In fact, every part of him screamed that he wanted to cry. He didn’t. I don’t know why but I couldn’t bring myself to say anything else.
Instead of trying to make conversation, I focused on the road in front of us instead.
After a few seconds, I felt someone rest their head on my shoulder and heard soft sniffles against my skin.
That’s all I needed to do to snap out of whatever trance I was in.
“Hey…” I murmured, resting my hand on the back of his head to gently push his face against mine. “You alright?”
A shaky nod was all the answer I got.
We drove the rest of the way home in silence.
***
When we stepped inside our apartment, we found the lights turned off and no sign of the other half of the two lovers who lived there. That’s how they liked it most of the time anyway. It’s like they lived under a veil. They wouldn’t talk unless absolutely necessary.
We took our shoes off at the door and headed upstairs, hoping they were still asleep. When we reached our room though we found them both laying in bed together. They weren’t sleeping though. Instead, they were both hugging each other as tightly as they possibly could while tears poured down their faces.
My first instinct was to turn around and walk out of the room. Then my second instinct kicked in, my legs carried me forward and I kneeled next to my two loves. After a moment of silent hesitation I wrapped my arms around them both and pulled them close to my chest. Neither of them objected to that gesture. They simply clung onto me tighter. It was nice to know that at least one of them appreciated being held.
I don’t remember who spoke first. One minute I was holding my beloved family and the next I was crying my heart out. I have no clue how long I sat there in that position for. Maybe a few minutes; maybe an hour. Time was meaningless to a human being. At some point though I realized that there weren’t any more tears to shed. No more cries or wails or moans. Everything was completely silent. So much so that I almost thought I could hear a pin drop on the other side of the room.
But then the silence was shattered by soft, muffled sobbing coming from a certain couple on the bed next to me.
“What happened?” I whispered softly, afraid to disturb the fragile emotional state the couple had entered.
Neither one seemed to be willing to talk. Not even to acknowledge the presence of another being in the room.
So without a word from either of them I leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on top of their heads.
I let go of the two of them as gently as possible.
They both moved to the far corner of the bed. One curled up in a ball in an attempt to hide themselves while the other kept their gaze glued to the ground.
At that moment, I understood how people could feel so alone. How they could feel lost.
It broke my heart.
And I promised them both that I would be here for them no matter what. Even if I had to spend the rest of my life in hiding.
They need my strength, and so does my love.
Together forever, my angels.
***
The rest of the evening passed uneventfully and quickly. We spent nearly an hour watching Netflix, laughing over old movie references.
Eventually, it was time to go to sleep. Before I climbed into the large, four poster bed, however, I noticed that both my lover and his wife were still awake.
They were curled around one another, facing away from me. But after a few moments, they slowly untangled themselves.
Without saying a single word, they made their way over to my side of the bed and climbed in next to me. The two cuddled up close. Their hands intertwined so tightly that their knuckles turned white. My arm wrapped around my husband. My wife hugged her husband. And finally, they drifted off to sleep.
My eyes followed their figures from where they lay next to me, to the floor. My eyes landed on something glittering and shiny lying by the bedside table.
I stared at it for what seemed like an eternity.
Until the temptation became too much.I grabbed the object and slipped it into my pocket. Without letting it distract me, I closed my eyes and fell asleep.
***
The next morning, I woke up first and found the bed empty. Only the sheets remained.
My love and I slept in the middle of the bed. With me lying on the outside.
With him lying on the inside.
I wondered why they hadn’t gotten up yet. Wasn’t there something important they needed to attend to? Had something gone wrong last night?
Just as I was starting to panic, they both walked through the open doorway.They were both wearing sweatshirts and sweatpants, neither one of them carrying anything. Their feet were bare, their hair was ruffled and their clothes were covered in a mixture of dirt and sand.
Still, it didn’t take long for my worry to disappear, replaced by excitement instead. The pair looked adorable with the sand sticking to their bodies and their hair sticking to their faces. I felt myself smiling as they stood in the doorway and watched me with sleepy eyes.
Then they started walking towards the bed.
Their pace slowed down when they approached the end of the bed.
“Good Morning…” they both murmured and then smiled at the same time.
As usual, my smile grew wider.
It didn’t last long though as one of the lovers climbed into the bed and wrapped himself around me.
“Mm… Morning.” He mumbled, burying his face between my neck and collarbones.
“Good Morning.” The other replied, snuggling closer.
In spite of myself I wrapped both of my lovers up in my arms. It had been almost too long since I had seen them and I wanted to savour every moment of their presence.While I did that I felt the other two wrap their arms around us as well.
Even with a huge distance between us, I felt them breathing.
I could hear their heartbeat. I could smell their scent. I could hear the sound of their slow breaths and see the gentle rise and fall of their chests and stomachs.
For years I never knew such simple things could make me so happy. For years I never felt this content in my life.
For years…
For years…
Suddenly I heard them whispering to each other in a different language. I was too busy enjoying their company to listen properly. However, the longer they kept speaking, the less I wanted to.
The only word I caught was his name. His real name.
“Hannibal…” I whispered, wondering why he decided to share his full name with them instead of going for his nickname or even his nickname only.
He just chuckled. “Well, considering how many people have called me Hannibal since I was born, I can safely say that this is the only thing that has stuck with me. I’ve always preferred it that way. It’s easier for people to forget about me.”
He paused and then continued, “And besides, I’d rather stick to the monikers I have given myself. It makes me feel closer to my true self. As long as you don’t get the wrong idea…”
His words left my mind.
All I could think about right now was the fact that he wasn’t using the last name he had before.
He was using the name he chose when he came to be.
The one everyone else used.
Hannibal Crawford.
The name of the man who caused me pain.
The man I hate.
He hated me back.
He hated me.
He hates me.
He hates me.
