Taming the Wicked Rogue (Scarlet Legacy Universe)

Probably Going Crazy

A/N: The title of this story should be Scarlet Bound but the book was already signed and I wasn't allowed to change the title. Anyways, I'll be writing more standalone stories in Scarlet Legacy Universe until I finalize the plot points of Arius's or the vampire twins story. 

"Did it happen again?" Helen, my psychiatrist, asked. Her calm, cold voice grated at my nerves. I bit my tongue; the sharp pain helped me wrestle with the urge to bolt out. My restless gaze wandered around the pristine room. In my head, I followed the grounding exercise posted in a mental health forum I recently signed up to. The poster, whose username was Always Smile, shared a technique that worked for him. It was to focus on objects and describe their physical appearance and our perception of them.

Let's see. The green plotted cactus looked like it had too much sun or could be fake. I leaned more on the latter. Leather books filled half of the metal bookshelf. Judging from the number, Helen had quite a lot of active cases. A picture frame on top of the table was faced down. Probably, Helen was experiencing a rocky relationship, then what else? My eyes roved every inch, anywhere but the woman sitting in front of me. I didn't need to look at her to know she was waiting for my answer.

The exercise was far from effective if the fast pace of my heart was anything to go by. I gritted my teeth in an effort not to think of that night and succeeded in doing the opposite.

Hot skin sliding against each other. Whimpers of pleasure.

My nails dug in my palm. The pain anchored me to the present. Breathe.

"Lillian?"

"It didn't" I bit out the words with difficulty, and Helen scribbled something in her notepad. My eyes narrowed, but I couldn't make out what she had written down. Probably schizophrenia as a diagnosis? Or an increase in dosage of muscle relaxants. Both were likely.

"You told me last time you will search for the place-"she glanced down at her notes and enunciated, "-Au dela?"

Oh boy, did I search for it!

"It wasn't there."

I had traced my steps back to where it should be. The space where the building should be was vacant and surrounded by cyclone wires. The only thing in place was the trash that littered the area. No one in the city knew a high-end club Au-dela existed.

"What is stopping you from thinking it is all a nightmare?"

What indeed? Helen's choice of questions made me bristle most times. I stared blankly at her. The memories of the morning after surfaced in my mind.

I woke up in my bed wearing the clothes from the night before. I first thought it was a dream until the soreness in my body, especially the lower part, told me it was not. I had made my way to the bathroom despite feeling like a bulldozer had hit me. I had spied the red sequined dress chuck in a corner with the stiletto. There weren't many sequins left. The most irrefutable evidence was the red marks that covered my skin. Ever since then, flashes of the intense night plagued my dreams. Yet the man's face was always veiled in darkness.

"You have to believe me. I know it's all real." I pleaded, but Helen's face remained the same blank slate as the first time I went for a consultation. Neither disbelief nor sympathy was there.

"I believe you. Let me help you, Lillian."

I took a deep breath, pressing down the rising nausea. I've heard those words countless times in two months. Calm down, calm down, I chanted in my head.

"You said the force within had taken over your body, yet you are still there. Why do you think this force wants to control you?"

How would I fucking know?! I wanted to scream, but I held it in. This was not helping. Helen believed everything had a scientific explanation. Everything that happened that night was a figment of my imagination. But I know it was not all in my head, and "she" was still inside me. I could feel it. I stood up and grabbed my bag.

"Let's continue another day." I strode out of her office, greedily inhaling the cool night air. The cacophony of sounds in the bustling night street imparted a strange calmness over me. I gripped my shoulder bag tightly and decided to walk home. Along the way, my eyes fleeted over every establishment, hoping to see that familiar three-story structure. But no luck.

In fact, I had tried to convince myself that it was all a dream. That maybe I had a one-night stand with some guy, and everything was a figment of my overactive imagination.

Yet every time I look into a mirror, I feel 'her'. There was something inside of me. And any moment, it could take over like that night. The medication made it worse. While it could put me to sleep, the memory of what happened played in my mind down to the tiniest detail. I stopped taking them, conveniently keeping that fact out of Helen's knowledge, of course.

When I reached the apartment building, I noticed it was quiet. No sound was blaring on the first floor. Which was odd since the tenant was an old man with an unhealthy love for rock music. The ear-splitting music blasted out his speakers, and the thin walls couldn't insulate the sound. I tried to ask him nicely to turn it down but discovered the old man was deaf. He only said yes, yes, then closed the door. I tried to report it to the landlord, but he didn't care. He told me the old man was like a father figure. He lost his hearing from saving him from a car crash when he was young. Do I believe it all? I don't. But the apartment had the lowest monthly rate I could afford. It was also a walking distance from a bakery I managed to get into. The only sliver of normality was that the third-floor tenant – a short and thin teenage boy. He would occasionally help me move heavy things, and in turn, all he would ask for was some food.

At this time, he was wearing a yellow hoodie and was hunkered on a window ledge near the window. His head was always down, eyes hidden by long fringes. The boy nodded as he saw me, then looked out the window, lost in thoughts.

I noticed a tall, olive-skinned woman with bleach blonde hair standing in front of my door as I reached my floor. She was carrying a red ceramic pot and was humming a tune I could faintly hear. The minute I stepped into the second floor's landing, she turned around, revealing a stunning face. Her dark eyes squinted as she smiled. I scoured my memory to see if the landlord had mentioned a new tenant, but there was none. Despite the building having three floors, only three rooms, one on each floor, were in a good enough state to be rented out.

"Hi! I'm Olah, the new tenant on the first floor." She greeted.

I couldn't help but frown. Then where did the old man go? As if she could hear my thoughts, she added, "My uncle had been in bad shape and was taken back to our hometown. I rented the place in his place since I have started work here."

I nodded to show I understood and realized I hadn't introduced myself yet.

"I'm Lillian, Lily for short. I live here on the second floor, as you know." I finished awkwardly. The woman -Olah, laughed and offered the ceramic pot to me. "Here, I made garlic roasted chicken."

The lid was lifted, and a tantalizing aroma diffused in the air. My stomach churned, and bile rose as I inhaled a lungful of the heavy scent. I quickly turned around and hurled my lunch to the nearest potted plant. The smell of vomit made my stomach more queasy. I closed my eyes to fight the nausea and dizziness that suddenly came over.

"Are you okay?" Olah asked worriedly. I waved my hand to gesture its nothing serious and wiped my mouth.

"I'm not feeling too good these days."

She looked unconvinced. "When did the vomiting start?"

"Just now."

Olah looked down at the pot with its cover back on and pursed her lips. "The smell was too strong. I'm sorry."

"No, no! It smells divine. I don't know what's wrong with me." I lamented with a sigh. I would have been ecstatic to receive such a dish any other time.

"You should visit a doctor. You don't look so good," she suggested.

I know that. I feel worse too. Aside from insomnia, there was paranoia. And I had already sought help. Just not the doctor you think of.

The words stayed in my head as I nodded politely.

"Well then, once you're feeling better, I'll invite you to dinner" Olah waved her hand and sauntered down the stairs.

Well, there's one good thing that happened today. The music has stopped. Hopefully, sleep will come easier this time.