I want to cry right now
More than anything ever
But I can’t
The tears won’t roll down my flushed cheeks
I guess it doesn’t matter
What use does crying have
It’s not going to fetch me from my spiral
What use does
Crying about being inadequate have
What’s crying to do for me when
I can’t give society what it wants
What purpose does crying have
When the only way
to fix my problem is
Working harder than I am
But I’m already working so hard
My hands are sore and my spine is crumbling
How much more of me do I have to give
How much more of me do I have to lose
To feel good enough
How many more restless nights?
How many blisters?
How much more?
None of this is fair
I cry and scribble words on dead trees
As everyone watches and laughs
As everyone whispers
Look at him try so hard
It’s almost noble
Almost noble
Have I not proven myself?
Not to anyone?
Not even myself?
Have I not shown you
The colorful light inside of me?
Maybe if I try pushing again
Maybe if I swallow the thing keeping me back
Maybe if I swallow my identity
I’ll get somewhere
