Good boy~

Stupid.

izuku POV

Once seated in his car, I buckled myself in and observed the interior. It was an Audi S8, black with red inner rim tires. It was an attention puller to say the least. The inside was black leather seats, and the stereo had a red lining that glowed. It was clean, especially clean. Much cleaner than anything I owned. It was expensive too, though practically everything he owned was expensive, so this was no surprise. I wonder if that's on purpose, if it's apart of his look or if he just naturally likes more expensive things.

I wonder everything about him, how he sleeps, what he likes to eat, how he got into the industry. Everything. I want to know everything about him. I don't want to scare him though. I'm infatuated but sometimes I wonder if it's more of an obsession.

"Izuku"

I look towards the driver's seat, "yes?"

"I asked if you were hungry since you didn't eat much of your breakfast,"

"Oh, no I'm okay," I smile.

He rubs my right thigh, "Well let me know when you are, we can go grab something real quick."

"Together?"

"Excuse me?"

"We'll grab it.. together? Like we'll both go inside?" I stare at him, waiting for a response. Expecting one, but hoping for another.

"Well I mean if you want to come in with me, I guess" he chuckles, "I don't think it really matters who grabs it though."

"You know it does."

He meets my eyes and the smirk falls from his lips, he clenches his jaw for a moment, gripping the steering wheel tighter, "Right.. you meant that. If you have something to say, just say it Izuku. I can't read your mind."

He's right. I know that, yet I still can't help but hate the feeling of regret in my stomach. The regret of ever bringing it up in the first place. Because we both knew what he was going to say anyways.

He sighs, "I don't see any reason to tell the public about us, we haven't even become official yet, nor finished the shoot. It'll just cause trouble, especially if we don't last long."

"Last long...? You don't even think we'll last?" the words barely leave my mouth, my voice cracking and splintering. While mine tremble, his words bite me and leave an everlasting scar. I should've never said anything. I knew from the start what he was going to say. I'm not stupid enough to think he'd do anything else.

My eyes tear up, not from anger at him, but at myself. For expecting anything. Anything more than nothing. I was stupid from the start.

"You know I don't mean it like that Izuku. Let's be real though. I have a history. We both know it, I'm known for fucking this shit up. Whether I want to or not. I don't need the public tearing you apart when we don't even know if we'll work out yet."

His voice doesn't wobble or shake like mine. It makes me wonder if I'm the issue. Don't be mad at him izuku. I'm the one who cared too much. This response was expected, so why does it hurt so much. Did I think he'd drop it all for me? That he'd give up his reputation because he cared about me so much? God Izuku don't play victim now. Not like you always do.

"How can we try and find the ground to start on if you're already looking at the finish line?" I regret my words as soon as they leave my mouth.

I shouldn't have said that. Why did I say that?

"I guess you're not entirely wrong," It changed. His voice changed. Not entirely, and not as significant as mine, but it did. I can hear it. The slight shake to it, the uncertainty, the fear. And that was all I needed to get the oxygen back to my lungs, "but is looking for the holes in the ground any better?"

And just like that my breath was taken away again.

I knew what he meant, and he's right. I do do that. I search for the issues before they're even there. I try finding the holes in the relationship but in reality I'm probably the one making them. It's not a purposeful thing, but it doesn't change that I do it. I wish I could say why but frankly I don't. I mean there's a multitude of possibilities and choosing one reason alone would be almost impossible. Not that the reason matters anyways.

He sighs and rubs my thigh slightly, "Can we just have a nice afternoon for once? No fighting or bringing up unnecessary things?"

I just nod and sit in silence.

I wish I could say the day got better but the thoughts in my brain just kept getting louder as it went on.

When we got to our destination I perked up a bit. I was excited to watch a movie with a date like a normal person. We went in a few minutes late so it was too dark to notice us.

Todoroki left for a moment to go to the bathroom.

And it didn't take long after that.

He's going to leave you.

Who are you kidding, he doesn't care about you.

Do you really think he's gonna stay?

He's keeping you a secret so he can cut it off quick when he wants.

You're not good enough for him anyways.

You're too fat.

Too ugly.

Too annoying.

Too male.

The confidence that I had once had came crashing down.

What if it's right? What if the reason he doesn't want to go public is because he's embarrassed of me? What if it's because I'm a boy?

Suddenly I felt like I couldn't breath again. Except this time it was worse. This time it felt like someone was sending fluid down my lungs so not only was I lacking oxygen but I was drowning as well.

I try and focus on the screen in front of me, hoping it'll take my mind off things. I was stupid to think that would work.

Todoroki comes back from the bathroom but it doesn't stop. I grip onto the chair handles, hoping the dim lighting would hide my panic. My fear. My anxiety.

My absolutely shattered self image.

I was stupid for the 4th time.

"Hey are you good?" I hear a close whisper in my ear from the seat next to me. The seat where Todoroki was sitting.

I nod, avoiding a verbal response.

"Are you sure?" Todoroki touches my hand, "You're shaking, are you cold? Here take my-"

"I-I have to go to the restroom!" My voice trembles and I quickly get out of my chair, rushing to the restrooms.

Once I arrive I lock myself in a stall. It doesn't take long for the contents of my stomach to empty inside of the toilet. The small amount that was there anyways.

My throat burned from the acid but in a certain sense it was relieving.

Quick footsteps and then quicker knocks awaken me from my thoughts.

"Hey Izuku are you in there? Did the popcorn hurt your stomach or something?"

"Oh uh yea"

I didn't eat any popcorn.

-1213 words-

sorry for the short chapter guys, I wanted to go ahead and get it out to you