You're a Badger, Harry

18: You Need Therapy, Harry

Summary: And so do a bunch of other people.

Sessions are separated by dashes

"Mhm..." Sirius lowered his glasses and peered more closely at the person sitting across from him. "And how does that make you feel?"

Kyra gave a long sigh, ruffling her bangs. "I don't hate her or anything. I just think Parkinson needs to learn to shut her trap from time to time. And by time to time, I mean most of the time. All the time."

Sirius nodded. "I see, I see... Well, Miss Kyra, unfortunately, I do not believe this will be changing anytime soon. Perhaps these will help block her out."

He brandished a set of headphones.

Kyra's eyes lit up. "Ooh! Jay was just telling me about them the other day! Thank you, Dr. Black!"

"Dr. Black is my nonexistent aunt," Sirius said, holding up a hand. "For legal purposes, just Sirius will do."

"Okay, Just Sirius!"

Drat.

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"... And I said, 'No, Ginny. You cannot just slurp away your problems. Then I realized how dirty that sounded and walked away."

Only years of Marauder training enabled Sirius to keep a somewhat believable poker face. "Are you referring to that straw Harry gave her?"

"Duh."

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Sirius reviewed the note on his clipboard, then lifted his head to look at the odd pair in front of him. "So, Mr. Draco Malfoy, you're telling me Miss Susan Bones here stole your line?"

"That's right," Draco said, shooting Susan a scowl.

Susan rolled her eyes. "Well, excuse me. You're not the only one with a family member high in the Ministry."

"I think," said Sirius before Draco could make a retort, "that the best course of action would be to each come up with a new one."

"A new one?" they repeated in shocked unison.

"No way!" Susan protested. "Surely you can persuade Malfoy to give it up!"

"No, persuade her!"

"If you don't figure this out, my aunt will hear about this!"

"My father will be hearing about this regardless!"

"Oh, will he now?" Susan gave Draco a venomous stare that reminded everyone in the room just which house she belonged to.

"That's right." There was a slight waver to Draco's voice, and Susan picked up on it.

"Go ahead." Susan leaned forward. "But just remember that honey badgers eat snakes."

Draco's mouth opened and closed. "Is that a threat? Sirius, Susan's threatening me!"

Both of them turned to face Sirius. Only to find his seat was empty.

"Oh, now look what you've done!" Susan groaned.

"Me? You're the one who..."