R.J Forever?

Chapter 32: Another Caswell Crisis

E.J's POV:

I haven't talked to Ricky since Saturday afternoon. I couldn't find the courage to talk to him again after running away from the roller rink. I didn't run away but I escaped.

I left because I overheard Big Red and Ricky talk in the bathroom about my reputation and what Ricky and I are. I guess that I called Ashlyn's mom out of fear but also because I didn't feel like I fit in with Ricky's queer friends.

I didn't even know that Chris had bullied Carlos in the past. I could have done something. I could have created 'The You Matter' Project last year; but I was so focused on my popularity status and making my dad proud that I didn't realize that my friends were bullying other students.

I guess that you could say that I'm a coward. I left the Roller rink and didn't leave Ricky a truthful explanation. I wasn't sick after eating that pizza. I felt fine.

I actually talked with Gina and Nini a bit at the rink while Ricky and Big Red were in the bathroom and I introduced myself to Trevor. But after a while, I went to go see what was taking so long with Big Red and Ricky and heard them arguing in the bathroom.

I only heard the last part of their conversation but I heard enough to know that I didn't belong at that LGBTQ+ hang out.

Big Red is right. How will anyone ever know what Ricky and I are together if I can't even come out to people in school and my parents? I'm just a joke to Ricky and his friends.

Everyone thinks of me as the popular Junior who hangs out with the homophobic lacrosse team. Everyone knows me for my last name. Everyone knows that I have a reputation. Everyone knows that I've been acting weird these last few weeks but no one knows why except for a few people.

I can't tell anyone that I'm bisexual.

Ashlyn only knows because she kept asking me about where I was going the other day.

And Ricky did text me after I left the rollerskating rink but I haven't found the courage to answer him.

I'm not exactly ignoring him, I just need my alone time.

I felt guilty after leaving the rink since I'm not 'out' yet. I'm too scared of being kicked off of the team and I'm too scared of what people will think if they know that I'm not that stereotypical straight lacrosse guy like Chris is.

I've never experienced a fear like this before. But I have to go to school and show up at practice since my grades matter and since we have another game on Wednesday.

"Hey mom, where are the car keys?," I go over to kitchen and try to bribe my mom into letting my drive by myself today without saying those exact words.

I just don't feel like driving with one of my parents today.

"They are in the bowl on the counter by the door," I hear my mom whisper to me while she's on the phone with her friend from college who is also homophobic.

"Thanks," I roll my eyes at her then grab the keys from the counter so that I can drive myself to school without having my dad chat with me about the Caswell legacy again.

As soon as I get to school, I notice that there are flyers all over the doors stating that prom tickets are on sale now courtesy of the SGA.

I almost forgot about prom, I've been too wrapped up with Ricky and my sexuality crisis.

I need to do something for Ricky for Prom I just don't know what yet since I'm not ready to come out yet.

After staring at the flyers for a moment, I feel my phone vibrate in the pocket of my Letterman jacket and take it out as I walk down the hall to my locker to see who is texting me.