Gambler

GAMBLE 89

She stayed seated on the sofa. With her usual straight face, Xochitl didn't even dare to lean back. Her back's straight which made it look like she was someone who didn't live there.

After years, she's finally there again. Despite living her entire 20 years in that house she felt like that house made her feel distant. It feels familiar yet distant. It was big but never warmth.

It's where she used to live and she hated all the times that she spent there.

"You won't change your decision?"

"No, thank you." And even talking to her dad felt like an obligation that she have to do.

"Xochitl, I feel like I don't know you anymore. I've raised you for more than 20 years. This request.. you can't even give it to me?"

"Please dad, I already told you about my decision before. What's the point of asking me If you won't accept my answer? I don't want to go back and live with you here again."

Nakita niya ang kaunting pag igting ng ugat malapit sa sentido ng Daddy niya. She's reminded of the times when she's called on his office after school, after knowing that she didn't top the class, his disappointed face.

Alam niyang nauubusan na ng pasensiya ang Dad niya.

"Can't you just do it for your mom?"
He spoke so fast that Xochitl knew he's getting really angry.

"No. I can't. I don't want to." This time namumula na ito sa galit.

"Xochitl pinagbigyan kita when you requested me to not have you meet Richard again even if it's business related. Have I spoiled you too much that even with my simple request you're rebelling like this?"

Xochitl stayed silent.
Simple request? She sneered.

"Hinayaan kitang mag stay sa Masscom even when I wanted you take up business! Kahit kailan hindi mo naranasan makulangan sa kagamitan and even with your budget! I guided you for all I can. As my daughter I gave you all the advices that I know and this is how you pay me? And even if we did something wrong we will apologize so you have to tell us, but no? You chose to never forgive us."

Tumaas ang boses nito, again naramdaman na naman niya ang panlalambot. Somehow, whatever she does she always manages to disappoint this man, even though all her life she felt like she lived it for him. Pero bakit nasusumbatan pa rin siya? Bakit bilang pa rin lahat ng responsibilidad na ginawa nito bilang ama niya?

Hindi na niya kayang manahimik na lang. Hindi pa niya sinasagot kahit kailan ang mga magulang niya, she respects them, but every person has their limit, even the nicest person has.

She wanted to tell him all her thoughts.

"I know I always disappoint you and I'm sorry. Hindi ako nagkulang sa lahat ng gamit growing up, I never envied anyone with their things because you gave me everything and I'm thankful for that. But dad... you have to realize too, I never asked to be your daughter, I never asked to be Xochitl Alsogaray."

And then Xochitl who always stays calm and collected cried. She felt her tears flowing down her cheeks, in front of his dad.

"And 'yun nga dad e, you raised me to be capable of doing things properly, you taught me to be smart pero never mo akong tinuruan magpatawad, you didn't taught me how to be capable of giving second chances. So all I ask for you right now is a break. You have no idea how much trauma this home had given me. Every single day since namulat ako sa buhay I hear you and mom fighting! I did my best, I did everything that you wanted kasi akala ko maayos non 'yun but no. Kaya please tama na."

She never answered and not even once argued with his father like this before, because she know it was inappropriate, but why did she feel her burden lessened? Thus, without letting her father refute she stood up.

"I've told you my decision, please respect it. I still have many things to attend to, I have to go. Good bye dad."

She hurriedly walked out the door, dahil kanina pa siya nanginginig. Hindi niya alam kung sa takot, sa galit, sa sakit, sa guilt o nagsama-sama na kaya ganon.

Her knees became weak and just as she was about to collapse outside their gates her waist was hugged by someone.

Pagtingin sa taong nasa harap niya, isang ngiti ang bumungad sa kaniya. And just like that her tiredness went away.

Iniangat ni Dous ang isang kamay niya at marahang pinunas paalis nito ang luha sa mukha niya, habang ang isang kamay ay nakaalalay pa rin sa bewang niya. She was comforted by a manly smell which is very familiar to her.

"Crybaby. Uwi na tayo?"

He talked to her in the softest way possible.

Bago pa siya tumango they were stopped by a woman's voice.

"Xochitl..anak.."
It was her mother. She looked sad while looking at her. Tumingin ito sa posisyon nila ni Dous bago nagbigay ng mallit na ngiti kay Dous.

"Mom." She slowly released Dous' hands on her and gave him a slight smile before walking near her mom.

"I'm sorry ha. Mommy is very sorry, I failed being a mother to you." Her mom started crying hard. "I was so caught up with my situation, with your dad before and never thought you're suffering so much already. Xochitl.. you're my everything back then and yet I failed to notice all the wrongs, sorry."

She doesn't know what to say. Although she hated her parents, back then her relationship with her mom isn't as bad as her relationship with her dad. But, her mom was broken, alam niya 'yon.

The scars and the traumas, hindi agad agarang mabubura ng isang iglap, even with how many sorry she had received.

"Mom, this is not the end yet. You can still be a mother to me.. you can start again, pero hindi ko pa alam kung kailan. I hope you understand."

The woman cried harder.

"I understand. I'll wait for you anak. Yung sinabi ng dad mo, don't mind it matatauhan rin 'yon. Just live happily from now on, if you're happy ayos na kay mommy. And.." tumingin ito sa likod niya as if naalala ang nakita kanina, "say thank you to Dous for me, and also to your friends."