Gambler

GAMBLE 80

Rush
6:04 PM

Dous:
Xochitl

Xochitl:
Yeah?

Do you want us to talk now?

Dous:
Yeah

Xochitl:
you'll hear me na?

Dous:
Hmm

Go on

Xochitl:
Okay I'll say it

Nong lumayo ako sayo I did that because honestly I didn't understand what I felt

When you finally said those words to me, especially that last 3 words, I felt scared

With my own feelings and doubted if yung nararamdaman ko kaya bang pangatawanan hanggang sa huli

Because what if not?

What if what I'm feeling that time wasn't enough? What if sa dulo masira na naman?

You've always been sure about what you want, and you are sure with how you felt.

But I was not. I felt like I wasn't enough.

Ilang beses ko na sinasabi pero natakot talaga ako

Talunan, right?

Nung nalayo ako sayo I got to focus on myself more kasi that time I did let go of everything to my friends, yung issue sa bahay at sa lahat sinabi ko na sa kanila

I saw my flaws more

My mistakes

And I want to make up for it

Dous:
Yeah

After that we're more clear minded

And something did changed

Xochitl:
Yes something did changed

Has your feelings too?

No

Don't answer that yet

Please

I still have something I want to say

Dous:
Go on

Xochitl:
Yun nga after that I realized a lot of things

Got to know myself more

Turns out I was a selfish person and realized my dreams too

My dreams, they all included you

Di ko namalayan that everything about me has your influence

Na I liked sushi because it reminded me of you

I always find the rooftop relaxing because you were there

That the times I wanted to eat bicol express was when I'm missing you

And the picture inside my wallet is what I consider home and that was still you

I needed Hana and the others to nag at me bago ko marealize lahat yun

At nung narealize ko yon I already pushed you away

I missed you so much that time

I wanted to go to you pero nahihiya ako

Nahihiya ako kasi you were there for me since day one but what I did to you in exchange was to push you away

I'm the one who understands you the most yet I was a wreck and didn't value you more

Tapos when everything was going wrong I wanted to call you to sing for me and cry on your shoulders like I always did

Pero hiyang hiya ako sa sarili ko

The feeling of shame was too prominent that I couldn't face you

But at the end hindi ko rin naman natiis