ᴍᴀ̊ɴᴇsᴋɪɴ ᴏɴᴇsʜᴏᴛs

relapse • må & y/n

{tw: drug use/relapse}

You had been walking around the house for some time, your brain felt so heavy. Your bones were sore from laying in bed all day, nothing you weren't used to. The last few days had just been really fucked up, you hadn't slept in days. The thought of the one thing that could help you was always there, that one thing that made you stop feeling like this all the time.

Though you were so afraid of what would happen, you had promised them you wouldn't use anymore and you hadn't. It had been a month since the last time you did something stupid, you just didn't want to do any of it anymore. You didn't deserve anything or anyone but the stupid pills.

Just take one, one tiny pill

Your thoughts were starting to take a toll on you, just one more wouldn't hurt right. After you take it you could just go back on track right. You walked with heavy shoulders to your bathroom where you had hidden the secret stash you still had. Xanax, the pills read as you screwed off the white cap of the bottle.

Your shaking hand took out a pill, it seemed like nothing. Such a small pill wouldn't do anything, so you took out another one, and another one...

You didn't even count them anymore, though you had a little handful of them now. You wanted to stop so bad, but you gave in. You took one of the little pills and swallowed it, regretting it almost immediately. You don't realize how close you are to relapsing when you've been clean.

Looking back at the other pills you let out a frustrated sob, normally you would've sat back and relaxed, but all you felt now was guilt. They had been so proud of you and you just threw it all away again, foolish.

Just take all of them, it doesn't matter now anyways

Batteling your thoughts you let go of the pills, all of them falling down on the bathroom floor. You got your phone and dialed a number, your hands shaking as it began ringing. The line picked up almost immediately.

''Ciao Y/n'', the raspy male voice said, you tried to collect yourself by quieting your crying, though it was hard. ''I did something really stupid Dami'', you said, letting out the shaky breath you were holding.

''What did you take? Should I call an ambulance?'', he asked and you let out a cry, he didn't need a word to know what you had done. Damiano was waiting patiently but stressed on the other side of the line, ''No, no ambulance. I messed up and I failed all of you again. I just can't do this anymore. I can't... I can't trust myself right now''.

You heard some noises coming from the other line, you heard another voice in the background as well as some rummaging and car doors closing. ''Hold on love, we will be right there. Stay on the phone alright''.

You waited on the cold bathroom floor while hugging your knees, barely managing to keep yourself together. All you could do was stare at the pills on the floor, the urge to take them was so hard to resist. This was your chance to take more, you had relapsed anyways.

Your thought got interrupted though by hearing a car door opening again, the other line hung up after that. You heard the door of your apartment open, and a pair of hurried footsteps made their way through the apartment before getting into the bathroom.

When you saw Dami looking at the pills on the ground you broke out in sobbing, he sat down on the floor as well. ''I'm sorry'', you said, holding your knees closer together not daring to look him in the eye. ''It's okay, I've got you'', he said, holding you close to his chest, you could feel his heart beating at a fast rate. You weren't holding back your emotions anymore, you just let it all out.

''I hate myself so much'', you sobbed, burying your head into his shirt. You just couldn't do it anymore, this thing. Living felt exhausting even though you had your best friend's to support you. It felt like it was pointless, the only time things made scenes was when you were on your high.

Another pair of hurried footsteps down the hall made you look up, Victoria entered the bathroom while trying not to look at the pills on the floor though it was inevitable. "Oh y/n", she said while sitting down on the other side next to you.

You wouldn't dare look her in the eye, you promised you wouldn't do anything stupid anymore. Vic noticed the tension though and broke it by taking your hand in hers, "I'm not mad love, you did so well by calling us", she said while giving you a little smile, you finally looked up, you looked like a mess but that didn't matter at this point.

"Let's clean this up, yeah?", Damiano said while he stood up, Vic did too and helped you up lastly. You were still a little shaky on the legs but you were going to be okay for now.

Damiano went to get the broom and started gathering the pills together on the bathroom floor. Meanwhile, Vic took you to sit on the couch, "How about we order some food? I can invite Ethan and Thomas if you want and we can watch a movie", she advised which made you feel a lot lighter, you nodded.

Vic send a quick message on Whatsapp, she had already told them what had happened and said it was okay for them to come by. Sometimes you didn't like having everyone there when you were vulnerable like this but knowing they weren't angry at you made it okay. Even though you knew they'd never get angry with you, you couldn't help but see that as the first reaction to what you had done.

Victoria ordered some pizza from your favorite restaurant downtown and set up Netflix on your tv. Damiano came back and sat down as well. While you were searching for a movie you heard the front door open, Ethan and Thomas entered.

"Hi", you quietly told them, Ethan came up and pressed a kiss on your head. Meanwhile, Thomas followed with a bucket of your favorite ice cream, chocolate. "Thank you guys", you said while hugging Thomas.

You spend the rest of the night all snuggled up with blankets, pizza, and ice cream on the couch while watching Pirates of the Caribbean.
You couldn't have wished for better friends, you were all close, you were family.

You fell asleep an hour into the movie, tired of everything that happened today. You finally felt safe with the others around you, you knew they would always catch you, and you would catch them.