Unknown Desires

Split Decisions

Sunshine basks my face as I sit on the steps of my new home while people in white jumpsuits past by me. I sip my coffee peacefully while the bustling of people continues. We had to wake up early this morning to pack everything up in the trucks. Mykel called someone from the company to pick up my things from my parent’s house while his mom and I made breakfast. 

We haven’t spoken since last night. I guess that he is trying to give me personal space. Usually, that’s great and all but I feel worse for what I did last night. Even when we were sitting down having breakfast, he was sitting a couple inches away from me. Every once in a while, we would lock eyes, but he would immediately look away. Good thing his parents didn’t notice.

Ever since this morning, I had this burning feeling in my stomach. I didn’t mean to hurt him like that. I wanted to fix it but I didn’t know how. 

I guess I dazed out too long because Mrs. House came and tapped on my shoulder. 

“All the furniture is set up. All that is left is you and Mykel’s personal items.”

“Thank you for everything Mrs. House.” I squeeze her into a hug.

“Anything for you. Take care of my son for me. And if you need anything else, call me.”

Out of the corner of my eye, President Audrey walks toward us.

Mrs. House whispers, “Here comes the Devil in Red.” 

Mrs. House smiles at President Audrey. “Good morning, Audrey.”

President Audrey glances at me for a few seconds. “Yes, hello Mrs. House and Rebecca. Just reminding you it is time to leave. I am sure Rebecca can handle this by herself. Right?”

I narrow my eyes at her and then quickly transfix my mouth into a smile. “Yes. I can finish up inside. You all go rest.”

Mrs. House hugs me again. “All right. Take care.”

She releases me and I head back on the steps and wave while everyone packs up and drives away.

I breath a sigh because now I have to go face him inside. I walk in towards the kitchen to fill a glass of water. The sunshine feels so good today.

I hear footsteps toward the kitchen. I rush towards the fridge to look for something to distract me as he saunters into the kitchen.

“Good morning,” I say. No response. I turn around and he turns to grab a cup from the cabinet.

It stings that he wants to distance himself from me but I have to remember I caused this. It was for good reason though. 

Right?

“I am going to make breakfast. Do you want anything?”

“No,” he mumbles. His words are cold and cruel. “I am going to work in my room.” He walks away and closes the door.

Sigh. This space between us is not right. I can’t bare him being angry at me. I decide that I will go talk to him after I eat. I devour a bagel with cream cheese and some orange juice. Wow. Fighting really gives you an appetite. 

I wash my dishes and head to his room down the hall. There are still boxes of our personal items that we have to put up. I knock on his door softly. I hear a shuffling of footsteps come to a stop at the door.

“Yes?” he says.

“Can I come in? I have to talk to you.”

“Fine. Be my guest.” He creaks the door open as he heads back to his chair.

I stalk carefully in the room and turn my attention to the computer set-up. 

“Wow, it’s all set up.” I point to the array of screens and keyboards.

He raises an eyebrow at me. “Sorry, I got off topic.” I sit down on his bed.

“So, I know that I said some terrible stuff yesterday and I am sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel hurt.”

He rubs his forehead. “Rebecca, why do you push me away so much? It’s tiring and all I want to do is make you feel special and loved. You’re very important to me.”

“I don’t know. I’m afraid. After my parents died, I just feel so unsure of myself.” Tears trickle down my face.

He inches his chair closer. “What are you afraid of? Tell me.”

“I am afraid of dying and loving you. The rules say we have to have a child and that I die in the process. I just can’t love you.”

He brushes the tears off my cheek. “I know you can love me, Rebecca. That percentage on my app was no mistake. I promise I will protect you with my life. We will get through this together. I won’t let you die.”

I smile a bit. “Thank you.”

He holds my hand. “And if in a few months you don’t fall in love with me, you can go back to my parent’s house and I’ll explain it to the President.” 

I nod my head since I know there is no way that I will fall in love with him. It’s impossible. My feelings wouldn’t be able to stand it. Even though there is no way the President will be thrilled with this.

“That seems reasonable. Thanks.” I stare awkwardly out the window for a few seconds until Mykel clears his throat.

“Well, I think President Audrey wanted to have a virtual meeting with you. I guess she wants to discuss the details about the house. Are you sure you can handle her after what happened the other day?

Of course. The ominous virtual meetings. I’ve heard many rumors about this. It could be either very inappropriate or serious. Mainly about what you need to do to begin the life with your soon-to-be-husband. The President is really good at singling out who will be a threat to her country. If that happens, you won’t ever be seen again.

“Yes, I’m sure.” I left it at that and let myself out.

Although everything isn’t moved in yet, I proceed to my new room where my computer is set up on my desk. Before I sit, I change into more appropriate clothes for the meeting. I stare at my computer screen. It is 11:00. Show time.

A video call notification pops up on my screen. I press it and President Audrey pops up, sitting in a pristine posture. Her lips are smeared in a bright red and her clothes are business attire suggesting she just got out of a meeting. 

“Hello Rebecca. I assume you have finished unpacking already by the look of your room.”

I put the biggest smile on my face. “Yes we have.”

“Good. Now I understand you know the terms and conditions for this arrangement. According to your contract, you must marry Mykel after courting for a year and must also give birth to a baby during the first year of your marriage.

If you do not survive childbirth, the baby is put into your husband’s hands. However, if you survive, you must take a test to find a job in the workplace based on your specialties.