Unknown Desires

Starting Again

I awake. Eyes open. A cold sweat sweeps my forehead. I try to register the area. White walls. Red bed. French doors with a brown granite floor. I look to the left. Below me, he is there. Beside me. Holding my hand for comfort.

He must have stayed there all night. His jet-black hair curls to the side of his face. He looks like a child when he sleeps. He doesn’t snore but breathes in staggered breaths. I ease my hand out of his and his eyes shoot open. I swiftly turn the other direction, trying to act normal.

His voice echoes in this huge room. “You’re awake.”

As if it wasn’t obvious. “Yes.”

“I’m sorry, I came here last night. I just wanted to check on you.”

“I don’t need watching. I am fine by myself.”

I couldn’t gauge his reaction but I saw a flicker of sadness in his eyes. He walks across the room to the door.

“Well if you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask.”

I nod and he leaves. I stretch my arms out. My body is stiff. What happened last night was unbelievable. I just lost both of my parents. I cringe. I start breathing heavy. I am lost without them. I was supposed to be taken care of but now I am alone. I put my face over my hands and sob.

“Maybe I should just stay in bed for the whole day.”

If staying in bed means that I don’t have to face him, then I am all for it. I lay back down and rest my head to the side of the pillow. I am just closing my eyes when there is a knock on the door.

“Why can’t they just leave me alone?”

“Come in.”

The door opens and a maid walks in with 3 white sheets. Her hair is in a ponytail, but the front is slicked down with gel. Her eyes are thin and squinted and her jawline is square.

“Hello Mrs. Jackson. Mykel told me to check on you. How are you feeling?”

“I am okay,” I lie.

“I just wanted to introduce myself. My name is Rosemary and I am the head maid that works here. Would you like anything to eat?”

I was about to reply with a snark comment but she is so sweet. I didn’t want to be mean to her. She already has enough work to do anyways. She is a maid for crying out loud.

“Yes, but I can get it myself, if you don’t mind.”

Her face straightens in surprise.

“Oh, no. No problem at all. Go right ahead. The kitchen is on the downstairs floor. Grab whatever you would like.” She grabs a laundry basket out of the side corner. “Also, your spare clothes are in the drawer in the center,” she adds, and leaves out of the room.

I stumble out of bed. I must take it slow because my head’s still spinning. I am an emotional wreck and there is nothing that can make me feel better. I examine the drawer in the front of the room. Not bad. A few T-shirts and sweatpants. I choose the shirt with red roses, and pair them with black sweatpants. At least I look normal. Kind of.

I drag my feet across the floor. I really don’t want to get up. I just want to sulk my pain away. My hair is messy and my eyes are red from the amount of crying that I did this morning.

I step in to this wonderful kitchen. It is grander than ours which makes me believe their status is more than they say. There are two huge islands on opposite sides of each other. They each have white countertops and gray cabinets. 2 crystal chandeliers are above them and the whole kitchen is outlined in this beautiful milky white background.