Breaking Free

Darkest before the Dawn

  A/N: Trigger warning⚠️
Mature content, rape & abuse 18+

  My scream is muffled by a heavy hand pressing down over my mouth, my eyes shoot open as I go into full blown panic mode. Sam's drunken weight is on top of me crushing my body, he uses his other hand to grab my wrist as I fight to push him off of me. I feel so helpless and weak, my efforts are useless against him. He laughs, his breath smells like rancid liquor and cigarettes, I think I'm gonna vomit.
"Struggle and scream all you want my little whore, it just turns me on more" he says to me with an evil smile.
"Maybe I should invite my boys to join us but this being your first time and all I wanted to make it special, just the two of us" he laughingly says
I managed to get my other arm out from under him and struck him as hard as I could in his left eye, he yells "you piece of shit " as he leans off me for a split second and I push him off balance sending him over the side of my bed, crashing to the floor.
With my adrenaline pumping full out I jump off my bed and bolt toward the door, I can't let him get me, he will kill me if I don't get away. Just as I'm about to reach my doorway I feel him grab my shirt, he yanks me back so hard, ripping my shirt and sending me slamming to the floor, the side of my head hits the corner of my metal bed frame. My ears are ringing and I feel warm liquid wetting my hair and streaming down my neck, I'm dazed, I can't move. Sam looms over at me with a murderous look he brings his leg back and kicks me in the side. I let out a short scream that was cut off by another kick to the stomach, I curled into a ball trying to protect myself, and desperately attempting to get air in my lungs. I've never felt this level of terror before.  I become aware of the clinking of Sam's belt as he undoes it and pulls it through the loops of his jeans. Sickening dread fills my stomach, I've been through this too many times before. I curl into a tighter ball on the floor protecting my head with my arms, and then the first blow lands, and fire erupts on my side and back, he is swinging with full force. Hits landing on my arms, back, thighs, as I'm screaming, tears of agony and terror unstoppable. So much pain, so much hate and evil, what did I do to deserve this? Just let it stop, I roll over in a last attempt to get away from the searing belt ripping into my skin, my ripped shirt had come off completely at some point during the beating, leaving my upper body naked. Sam finally stopped, he was breathing heavy but with a wild excitement, he loved this, he got off on it, his pants were bulging. I knew what my fate was, he is going to rape me and no one is going to save me from him. He picked me up off the floor and tossed me over my bed on my stomach he grabbed the back of my hair and push my face against my mattress, yanking down my pj pants and panties in one pull all the way off, I didn't have anything in me left to fight. I heard him take down his zipper and felt his jeans slide down my bruised and bloody thighs, I cry out "Father please don't do this, please" I desperately plead. "Tonight you become my Slut" he told me, and then I felt searing pain explode in my pelvis, I scream crying into my mattress my hand fisting my sheets so tightly, nothing could distract me from the reality of what was being done to my body, I felt every thrust, every tearing pain inside me, I swam in a sea of misery.  He finally finished and got off me, leaving my room like nothing ever happened. I was in shock, I didn't know what to do, I just felt so dirty, body and soul. Survival instinct finally kicked in and I slowly got off my bed as blood and fluid ran down my legs I made my way to the bathroom. I showered and scrubbed my self raw as I sobbed, I will never feel clean again.
  That was the first time Sam raped me, I was 10 at the time, it's happened to many times to count since then. I have learned how to better protect myself, I sometimes steal small bills from his wallet to buy sleeping pills that I crush and put in his food or his beer before I serve it to him at night, it's not a fool proof plan but it's saved me many times.  I also bought and installed a lock with a key to my bedroom door, I got a bad beating for it but it was worth it.

Something I forgot to mention is Sam is involved in some bad shit, I'm pretty sure he is in a gang, he is high in the chain of command but he is not the boss, I've overheard him on the phone speaking to someone who was chewing him out.  I may be only 13 but I am very observent and noticed men coming around even when my mom was alive, they were always carrying guns shoved into the back of their pants trying to conceal it, and Sam always had rolls of cash that he would exchange with these men.  I do my best to stay away when Sam has "his boys" over.  I always make sure the house is clean before Sam gets home and as soon as I get home from school I lock myself in my room until it's time for me to make dinner.