Save You - Choni

Part 6

Cheryl's POV

There was a gap in the journal books that went from November of 1868 to March of 1869. I do know that Toni's sister Tabitha married in December of 1868.

By May of 1869, the wedding preparations were in full swing. Toni had her dress fitted and picked her bride's maids. They were her sister Tabitha, her friend Ronnie and Juliet Moore a cousin of hers. Many of the journal entries went over the details of the wedding which Toni seemed to write with little enthusiasm.

As the wedding got closer and closer she made an effort not to mention her attraction to women. I think she's trying to push it out of her mind. She speaks of going to church a lot in those days. Her husband to be is mentioned frequently. But he is also reported to be in London, working at the Trading house frequently. Toni says he works late hours sometimes and thus has a small room near his work where he can sleep. That saves him from having to travel all the way back to Fogarty manor when he is tired.

He's also joined one of those exclusive clubs that they talk about. Men sitting around smoking cigars, talking business, playing cards, that sort of thing. It's called the Hallcroft club and Fangs also seems to spend a lot of time there as well.

Much to my dismay, Fangs does have some effect on Toni. He always seems to go out of his way to be charming and gracious. He regularly gives her compliments and little gifts. She spoke of a tiny carved figurine he had brought back from China he had given her. I actually found a small carved figure of an elephant in the chest with Toni's stuff. It looks oriental and that must be the gift.

When he works his charms and fills her with his sweet talk, she becomes more receptive to marrying him. I find myself not liking him. Not simply because he's engaged to Toni, but I get the impression he's a phony. The words, silver-tongued devil, come to mind. Toni though she doesn't love him, believes he truly is a great guy. She further believes she can grow to love him. So in that respect she is grateful she's marrying a handsome, adventurous, intelligent, charming and honest man. I think she's being a bit naive.

June 22nd, 1869.

Fangs came calling today and took me for an early evenings walk through the park. The full moon was out and it was in fact very romantic. It had been the first I'd seen him in nearly a week. His work with the trading house taking up so much of his time. He told me that my beauty was even more enhanced by the glimmering light of the moon. He likes to say I'm pretty and how charming I am. It feels good to be complemented so often. It helps me know that I will come to love him and will be happy as his wife. I tell myself that I am just nervous and once that is past and settle into the role of wife, I will come to enjoy it. The way he looks at me, he does seem truly smitten.

He speaks of the wonderful parties we shall have and how I will meet all the upper crust of British society. He speaks of travels we shall make. He has a way with words. I find myself getting caught up in it. That give me hope.

In the weeks and days up to the wedding she kept telling herself that. That she would fall and they would live happily ever after. But I could read between the lines, as I knew her now. Deep down she was depressed and she felt trapped. The whole situation depressed the hell out of me.

In that time I realized the photo I have was of her in her wedding dress. It was taken a week before the wedding. Hence that vague look of sadness that I picked up on when I first saw it.

Toni was married to Frances Fogarty on July 10th, 1869, in a ceremony that took place at a church near the Fogarty estate.

July 10th, 1869.

Today I am Mrs. Frances Fogarty. The marriage took place St. Andrew's Church which on the outer edge of Herford. It is a bigger and more opulent church than St. Michaels, which is my parish. Thankfully it was a bright and sunny day and all arrangements went off without a hitch. The party at the Fogarty mansion afterward was a grand celebration. I even met a distant Cousin of Queen Antoinette, plus several members of Parliament.

All the well-wishers were very kind and accepting. My father even pulled out his old uniform and put it on for the occasion. Though he filled it out a bit more than he used to. I can't help but feel some sadness as my mother could not at least see me be wed.

Now I can go on with my life and be happy. Push those sinful thoughts away forever.

Though Toni sounded upbeat and happy in her entry, I knew she really wasn't. She was probably more depressed that I was once I realized she had been married. At least I could go quietly to the pub and get drunk and I did just that.

As I expected she found the sex less than satisfying.

July 11th, 1869

We were so exhausted after the wedding that we both fell sound asleep as soon as we retired to bed. Today was our first day of man and wife. We went riding for a time and spent time packing for our honeymoon. His father rented a small castle in Scotland.

He is sleeping now as I write this. Only a short while ago we consummated our marriage. I was hoping it would be more like with Bradford. But his touch was rough and did not make my heart stir. The sex was painful and I bled some. Strangely those compliments he would so often give me were lacking during our lovemaking. But I did my duty and performed as any wife should. But that's all it was a duty. I made love to my lawfully wedded husband which in the eyes of God is without sin. But why do I feel so empty....why do I long for a softer touch...why do I feel disgusted by his touch. Like all things in this marriage, I'm sure I'll grow accustomed to it.

Toni wrote sparsely in the period after the wedding. She did write again how sex with Fangs felt like a chore and nothing else.

Toni settled into the Fogarty estate and his parents had moved out. Toni found herself living in the large home with all these servants. She felt a bit overwhelmed at first but managed to adapt.

They threw a few large parties and did hobnob with the rich, but it didn't take long for Fangs's true colors to start showing. For starters he would spend many nights working late. On those ones he'd stay at his small apartment near the Trading house. He did explain that the business was quite large and needed a lot of attention to be run properly. He also took a few business trips to various parts of the country.

Fangs would spend a lot of time at the club and most of that time was spent gambling. By December of 1869, Toni realized that Fangs gambled very frequently. Another thing she quickly noticed that many a night he would come home stumbling drunk. She as a proper wife dared not to bring such things up to him. What she did learn was by correspondence he would leave on his desk from time to time. They were notes detailing money he owed in gambling debts.

Toni at first didn't think much of it at first. But as his true colors started to show, he at the same time seemed to lose interest in a way. Gradually Toni felt more and more alone. Even when he was there. Besides being distant, he seemed to resent her presence slightly. Toni did best as she could. She spend many an hour riding her horse or drawing. She spent many an hour in the library reading books and occasionally making social calls to neighbors. Though none of them she considered a close friend.

Much to my further dismay, in early 1870, Toni realized she was pregnant. It temporarily lifted her spirits, but not all that much. In fact they fell even further when Toni began to suspect that Fangs had a mistress.

It started with him finding that his jacket smelled faintly of perfume. A perfume that she did not recognize. At this point she started to pay attention to the rumors and talk around her and through bits and pieces she would hear from various people in the town and talk by the servants it became clear.

May 12th, 1870

I wonder if my husband will be home at all this week. He claims that work has been keeping him very very busy. But these days, he seems to find any excuse not to want to be around me. I had such hopes that I could find happiness in this marriage if I only tried. But now I find only loneliness and misery. It's as if my swollen belly repulses him. I've seen him avert his eyes when I've undressed in the privacy of our room. I ask him to at least take me out to a play or some function. I've hardly gone out at all since I found I was with child. But he says that a woman who is with child should remain in the home and it is not proper to go out in such a condition.

I suspect if I was with him, he could not do what HE wants to do. Drink, gamble or spend time with Her. Once he poured attention and compliments on me, now he seems to resent me.

The only light in my day was when I was reading around mid-day. I felt my baby kick for the first time. I felt alive for the first time in weeks. He wants it to be a boy, but I wish it to be a girl. I want a daughter.

That is all for today.

As Toni's pregnancy progressed, Fangs in fact seemed to not want to even touch her. Toni quickly fell into a depressed state. She used to be able to go out and ride a horse or wander in the park, but as her pregnancy got into the advanced stages she could do little. My beautiful Toni was miserable and alone. I hated reading these entries. A lot of days she wouldn't write anything. Probably because she was too depressed to write or simply had nothing to say. Her baby was her only hope for any kind of happiness. Her selfish, cheating bastard of a husband certainly wasn't bringing her any.

August 17th, 1870

It was dreadfully hot today. But the heat is hardly the thing that makes me the most miserable. The midwife says I'm due in weeks if not days but something feels off. I've barely felt anything move inside of me recently. She assures me everything will be fine. I'd talk to my husband, if he were ever here. He's in London on business again.

I know about the gambling at the Hallcroft club. A friendly game of card's Fangs would say for a small wager, whenever I would bring it up. He's probably there now, involved in another "friendly wager". I wonder how much he'll lose tonight. He tries to hide it from me, but I've seen one or two pieces of correspondence recently where he's pledging to make good on his debts. I've heard him arguing with his father begging for more money. But beyond the gambling is the drinking. I worked in an inn and seen many a drunkard. Fangs is merely a higher class drunkard who can handle his liquor a bit better.

But the worst part is when I overhear the servant's referring to "Her" They speak in whispered tones amongst themselves as they spread the household gossip. I didn't want to believe it or even listen to it at first, but I eventually could see the truth. He has a mistress in London. If he's not at the club gambling, he's in her arms. He pledged to love and cherish me. He seems to prefer her company over mine. I married him, hoping I would fall for him and be happy. Now I sit alone day after day, in this huge house which feels more like a tomb. His parents have been down in Kent at their home there. So other than the servants and the occasional visit from my "Loving" husband, I'm alone. My dearest friend Ronnie, is now living up in Hampshire with her husband and I seldom get to see her. My sister Tabitha now resides in India where her husband is now stationed. I am alone.

The servants treat me with the utmost courtesy, but I see the sad look of sympathy in their faces. I'm trapped here, pregnant with his child and married to him. How I was so stupid to be blinded by his tender charms and silver tongue. Now I can see him as he is.

It's a burden I must bear. Soon at least I'll have a son or daughter to dote over and keep my mind off things. It will make it easier for me to pretend that all is well. Perhaps all will be well, people do change.

I feel ill again. I felt ill yesterday and hoped to feel better, but I feel even worse today. I think I'll retire early. Escape into my dreams where I have someone to love me and things will be better.

No One's POV

More of the same Cheryl thought. This asshole Fangs marries her and now ignores her, while he gambles and sleeps around. Cheryl wanted to reach out and stab him repeatedly with her favorite pair of knives.

Cheryl turned the page to read the next entry, but the page was blank.

"Blank...Blank? How could it be blank." Cheryl said with surprise. Flipping through the rest of the book, she realized that all the pages were also blank. Quickly, Cheryl picked up the last three volumes in the box and much to her horror realized.

They were all blank. There wasn't as much as a mark in any of them.

"No...No...No...No.... You can't do this to me. Toni I love you. Please don't stop." Cheryl said, feeling as if she had lost a lover. She rummaged around the objects that were in the chest, but they gave her no clue as to what happened next.

Then Cheryl remembered what the antique store clerk had said, that the picture and all this other stuff was found in the basement and had been forgotten. Not to mention that the items in the box appeared to have been deposited in it with little care. Cheryl suddenly had a very bad feeling. She needed to know what happened next.

Cheryl made a quick internet search on Antoinette Fogarty but found too many entries. She really didn't know anything about genealogy and realized she needed an expert. It was late, being past 11 so Cheryl went to bed and tried to sleep. It took her more than an hour to do so and then it was a very restless sleep, as Toni's fate, weighed heavily on her mind.

She dreamt she was in a fog and Toni was calling out to her, but for all her searching Cheryl could not find Toni. Eventually the voice simply faded away.

The next morning by asking around, she was able to find out the name of the local town history. She was an elderly woman named Mrs. Givers and volunteered to find out what happened. Cheryl paid her extra to do it as a rush.

"Why do you need this as a rush?" Mrs. Givers said with a puzzled look.

"I just need to know. Please." Cheryl pleaded.

Mrs. Givers nodded. "Ok, I'll go down and start on it right away. I'll call you when I find out."

It was several hours later when her phone rang.

"Hello."

"Hello Miss Blossom. I found the information you were looking for. I'm down at the library."

"Great. I'll be there in a few minutes."

Cheryl tore out of the building just as she felt a drop of rain hit her forehead. It had begun to rain and by the looks of the clouds in the distance; it was going to storm soon. Not caring of the rain, Cheryl ran as fast as she could to the library.

She found Mrs. Givers at a table with a number of papers and documents on it.

"Hello Mrs. Givers. Tell me. What happened to Toni." Cheryl said, cutting to the chase.

"You said the last entry was August 17th, 1870, correct?"

Cheryl nodded. She felt a sense of worry and it only seemed to be growing more distinct. "Yes. There were no more.

"That would make sense." Mrs. Givers said.

"Why?"

"Because she died August 18th, 1870."

Cheryl suddenly felt as if someone had punched her in the stomach. Her knees suddenly went weak and she had to hold the edge of the table to keep herself from collapsing. On top of that, she felt a tightness in her chest.

"What happened?" Was all the completely devastated Cheryl could say.

"I'm afraid she died in childbirth. The baby was a stillbirth and Antoinette bled to death." Mrs. Givers said sadly.

Suddenly stricken with grief, Cheryl sat down in a chair. For a moment she imagined her beloved Toni lying in bed, screaming in pain. It was simply too much for Cheryl to bear. A thought occurred to her. "What about her husband?"

"He was in London and arrived back at the home the next day, according to the newspaper. The only person with her was a midwife."

"He wasn't even there. You mean she died alone? No family or friends with her. No one to hold her hand." Cheryl merely hated Fangs before, now she utterly despised him.

As impossible as it was, Cheryl didn't want to believe it. Through the journal, Cheryl had gotten to know her so well. Though separated by time she felt as if their hearts beat as one. Before this, Cheryl would have never subscribed to such romantic nonsense, but now she felt the real sharp pain of loss in her heart.

"I'm sorry my dear. I remember my grand mum telling me about one of the Fogarty's being a rather scandalous sort of fellow. Her husband Frances was probably one she was talking about. I did some research on him."

"I knew he drank, gambled and had a mistress."

"Yes, after Antoinette died, he married his mistress 2 months later. The marriage lasted about 4 or 5 years. He then left her and married yet another woman. But by then he had been disinherited by his father. In 1883 he sailed for Australia, running from his creditors apparently. The ship he was on was reported to have been lost at sea in a storm. Only some floating wreckage was found, no sign of survivors."

"Why was he disinherited?"

"He had gambled away a lot of the family's money, ran up huge debts and severely damaged their reputation. One newspaper reported that he had been accused of embezzling from the family businesses in order to cover his gambling debts and support his mistresses. He had a number of affairs and ruined the reputation of more than one young girl. They had to sell off a number off assets to cover his debts. What was left went to his older brother Richard, who was in the Army. Richard then returned home and managed what was left. But the family's fortunes quickly declined after that. Richard's son was a very promising sort of fellow, there was talk of him running for Parliament for a time. But he died in the Battle of the Somme in 1916. The last male heir died in 1947, but by the family was near broke. When the last Fogarty died in 1987 the mansion was all that was left and that was falling apart. Even that's gone now."

Cheryl couldn't believe what she heard. "He ruined her. He destroyed her. Barely in the ground and he marries his mistress. That bastard." Cheryl hissed.

"I looked it up Miss Blossom. Antoinette is buried in the church yard of St. Michaels." St. Michaels was one of those old churches with a graveyard directly next to it.

Already reeling, those words hit Cheryl like a hammer. "St. Michaels?" Cheryl gasped.

"Yes, that's correct."

A tear ran down Cheryl's face. "She was so close to me all the time."

"I don't take your meaning dear."

"I live directly across the street from St. Michaels. I can see the graveyard from my bedroom window. I remember liking the view."

"Oh...I see. Are you going to be alright dear?"

Cheryl stood up as another tear ran down her face. "I'm just very shaken up. Thank you Mrs. Givers."

"You're welcome dear. I'll type this up for you. I have it for you tomorrow."

Cheryl nodded blankly. "Thank you. I...I...I need to go."

As Cheryl emerged outside the rain had turned into a steady downpour with the rumblings of thunder becoming ever closer. But Cheryl ignored the rain and ran home as she began to cry. Getting there, she rushed into the graveyard she had looked down on so many times.

As the rain slowly soaked her to the skin, Cheryl searched franticly amongst the weathered gravestones.

Then she saw the stone. The name jumped out at her and seemed to stab her right in the heart. It was a simple grave stone, old and weathered. A piece of the top had broken off at some point and it had a few lichens clinging to its surface. With a broken heart and her tears flowing much like the rain that around her, Cheryl fell to her knees in front of the grave.

After a moment, she traced the words with her pale wet fingers.

Here lies Antoinette Fogarty. Wife of Frances Fogarty. Born June 3rd, 1850 - Died August 18th, 1870.

"NO!" Cheryl cried out in rage. Her cry would have been heard, had it not been drown out by a distant clap of thunder.

So bright, so beautiful, so caring, so miserable, so lonely. Cheryl couldn't help but think of the Toni she had gotten to know. It was so unfair. She died in childbirth at the age of 20 years. Cheryl had figured that Toni was long dead, but not like this. This was far too cruel.

Cheryl, now beside herself with grief, continued to sob at the grave. It was over, her story was over and there was nothing she could do about it. Cheryl wanted to take Toni into her arms and hold this beautiful woman. Tell her how special she was, something that worthless excuse of a husband never did.

"It's not fair....It's not fair...." Cheryl said as she pounded on the soaking wet ground.

Then a thought skipped across her mind. It was the words of Jughead. "Imagine the possibilities." What if it worked? He has been testing it on animals, Cheryl thought.

Soaked to the bone, Cheryl got herself back up and struck her forehead with the palm of her hand. "Possibilities. That's it." A smile came to the redhead's face.

Cheryl then stood up and spoke to the grave. "Toni. You don't know me. But I love you. You've been dead almost 150 years and I love you. I need to be with you. Take you away from this place. Love you as you should be loved. You here in this grave, dead at the age of 20 years. It doesn't have to end this way and it's not going too....I swear to god. If this works, none of this will have ever happened. I'm coming."

Having no further business in a rainy church yard, the redhead turned on her heel and walked away. As she did, a single word kept running through her head.

"Possibilities."