Playing With Fire

Eight

Alexis was in the kitchen with a bottle of bourbon. She didn't know what the time was, nor did she care that much. Since Dean had stormed out she'd been unsettled. He was angry because she told him not to let his feelings cloud his judgement. She knew it was beyond hypocritical considering how she felt for him, but neither of them could risk the other's safety. Which in turn put a relationship off the cards.

She knew he felt the same, not wanting strong ties to anyone in that way. So why had he gotten so upset with her? It was that question that led to her drinking alone in the dark instead of attempting to sleep. The harsh light of the kitchen caused her to groan as Sam walked in.

"Lex? It's three am, what are you doing up?"

'Well at least I know the time now.' She thought to herself, holding up the glass in front of her as if it answered all the questions.

Sam sighed, knowing straight away why she was upset. "What did he do?" He sat opposite her at the table.

"Who says it was Dean? I could just be having a bad day."

Sam raised his eyebrow at her. "And are you? Having a bad day?"

Alexis knew she could open up to Sam, he had done nothing but be welcoming to her. Seeing her as a little sister almost. Yet she didn't want to talk to him, not about this. Dean was his brother, it was weird.

"Yep." She popped the 'p'. "Just a bad day that's all."

"You care about him."

"I care about you too doofus."

She offered him a small smile, hoping it would stop him pushing the subject any further. Of course that would involve her having any luck whatsoever which didn't seem to be something she possessed.

"You know what I mean Lex." When she topped her glass up once more he moved the bottle out of her reach, earning a glare from her. "Look I get why you don't want to care about him. I'm the same after..." It still hurt to think about Jess, a girlfriend he'd had back in college. Even to this day he blames himself more than the demon that killed her.

He couldn't bring himself to say her name. "The point is I understand it, but you are both kidding yourselves if you think that what is going on between you isn't developing into something more." He wasn't stupid...or deaf. He knew they were sleeping together when they thought he was asleep.

"I can't do it Sam. The whole relationship thing. The feeling like I need to explain my every action, having to rely on someone to be happy. It's not me."

Sam couldn't believe how she couldn't see it already when it was clear as day to him. "You keep telling yourself that." He stood knowing from dealing with Dean's stubbornness that she wasn't in the mood to listen. He poured himself a glass of water before leaving her to it.

Just as he got to the door he turned back round. "The thing is Lex, you're already doing all that you just don't want to realise it."

Alexis didn't say a word as she let his words wash over her. Had she been doing that? Sure she let Dean know when she was heading out, but she did that with Sam too. Did her day brighten when she got to spend it with Dean? Sure but that didn't mean anything.

She groaned throwing her head onto the table in front of her. She didn't know what to do, she cared deeply about Dean but that would only lead to him being a weakness for her. Which meant she only had one choice. She had to distance herself from him.

***

To say the next few days were miserable would've been the biggest understatement ever made. So when she found a case she was ecstatic. She packed her bag with a spring in her step. She thought about going to tell Dean and Sam but they weren't up yet and they'd only insist on going with her. Instead she scribbled a note and stuck it to the coffee pot.