Dear Jodie,
It's 11pm on Saturday June 11th. I should be asleep, but here I am; spilling my heart and writing this.
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It was the beginning of March when I first saw you. I had just gone through a rough break with my now ex-bestfriend. My only thought when I saw you on my tiktok for you page was "Fuck, she's stunning. With my luck, I'm never going to see her again." I truly thought that for a good while.
It wasn't until about a month later when I had quite literally forgotten about you. I opened tiktok before getting ready for school, and right there in front of my eyes was an edit of Villanelle. At first, it didn't click - but then it did. "Fuck, she's stunning." I thought for the second time.
Once again, I thought that I'd never see you again but boy was I wrong. It weakly started with Killing Eve edits. It then escalated to Villaneve edits. Then finally, edits about you and only you. I started seeing you more and more frequently until I quite literally fell over the edge.
Within a week of seeing you for the second time, I had fallen in love. I don't usually feel love as strong as this - that's how I know I'm in love. My helpless gay self couldn't, and still can't, get you out of my head. You've quite literally become one of my only thoughts.
With others, I started mentioning you every once and awhile. That grew into once every few days, then into a few times a day. Now, I somehow manage to bring you into every conversation I have with my friends. They're sick of it, but I love you too much to care.
I've tried, and tried, and tried again to stop thinking about you but I fail every single time. I successfully went an entire school day without talking about you which surprised the living shit out of me. I fought with everything I had to avoid bring you up and I succeeded.
My friends were proud, but weren't at all surprised when I carried on with my usual Jodie talk the following day. They say they're sick of it, but I know they secretly love it. I know they all secretly love you too, thanks to me.
Whenever I come across a photo of you worth sharing, which is literally all of them, I always hear a "she's stunning" or an "I see why you love her so much". I have managed to almost brainwash my bestfriend into having a crush on you.
Whenever I hear "Want Me" by Baby Queen, I always think of you and a smile is brought to my face.
Whenever I hear "The Night We Met" by Lord Huron, I almost always think of Villaneve.
Whenever I hear "Fantasy" by you, or Mariah Carey, I always think of you obviously.
Last week when I was sick, I watched Help. This week when I went back to school, I wrote my personal response on the movie just so I had an excuse to mention you. I think it was an amazing idea, but my friends just laughed. They'll never understand my love for you which makes me love you even more.
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It's just gone 12am and Fantasy by you just came on. If this isn't perfect timing, I don't know what is.
That one minute and eighteen seconds just made my day and it's only been June 12th for 3 minutes.
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Every single time I think about my family trip to the UK in 2019, I think about how pissed I am that we didn't visit Liverpool. I may not have known you existed back then, but it doesn't matter.
I've watched Killing Eve three times in the past three months. I've made it a tradition to watch it once a month. I put myself through the misery because of how much I love the show. Villanelle's death sadly doesn't get easier each time, but it's still worth it.
I'm just going to throw in a quick FUCK LAURA NEAL!
I managed to make my mum rewatch The White Queen and The White Princess because of how much I talk about them both.
I lay in bed at night, thinking about you as you're the only thought that can rest my mind. My friends call me obsessed and I can't say I disagree.
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"You Mean The World To Me" by Freya Ridings just started playing. Spotify understands me more than my family does hahaha.
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Mum played "Crocodile Rock" by Elton John the other night while we were eating dinner. I literally almost cried.
My friend played "Murder On The Dancefloor" by Sophie Ellis-Bextor at school a couple days ago and I had to force myself to not burst into laughter. Villanelle killing Bill will always be funny to me, no idea why.
Dad played "Don't You Want Me" while painting the other day. My heart will forever ache for Villanelle and Eve. I will NEVER forgive Laura Neal for those shitty last few minutes.
I strongly believe that Villanelle survived getting shot. I also believe that if she didn't, Eve died of water contamination. Either way, Villanelle and Eve are together.
In my head, they're in a little Cottage in the Alaskan country side, eating spaghetti and shepards pie while talking shit about Carolyn and Frank.
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"Save Your Tears" by The Weeknd and Ariana Grande just came on. The song is literally about the finale of Killing Eve.
NO ONE CAN CHANGE MY MIND!!!
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Jodie, you came into my life at the time I needed you the most even though I didn't know I needed you.
You helped my through so much pain and I will forever love you for that.
Thank you for everything you've done, even though you have no idea what I'm talking about, or just no idea who I am.
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It's 12:30am right now. I should probably sleep.
I love you so so so much Jodie Comer. I'm so proud of how far you've come over the past few months. Words can't even describe how happy I am for you. I still can not belive that you will be going to Broadway next year.
I wish you all the best.
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Sincerely and full of love,
Makkie xo <3
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"Crocodile Rock" by Elton John just came on :')
I'm not crying, you are.
