Can't Be Afraid Anymore

Chapter Sixteen

Once we arrive at school we have two minutes before class starts. "See you in science." Matt says and starts running to his room. I make it in just as the bell rings. "Cutting it close Anna." My teacher says. I just nod a little. 

When class is done I head to the science room. She put up new posters and one is not centered. I start tapping my foot and bite my lip a little more. "You ok?" Matt asks.

"Look at the new poster," I say staring at it.

"It's about lungs, so what?" He asks still confused.

"It's crooked."

He looks again"Oh." He says finally realizing why I'm acting weird. He goes to the poster and straightens it. "Better?"

"Thanks, I was going to burst," I say and stop tapping my foot.

"Why do you do that?"

"Do what?" I ask. We were supposed to studying, but we didn't want to.

"You are always bitting your lips." He says pointing to me doing it.

"Bad habit," I say and continue to do it. It's a really bad habit. He just shakes his head.

"Hey are you ok, you've been acting different today."

"Ya, I'm just a little tired." I lie. I don't think he believes me, but he doesn't say anything. When school gets done, I go home. I do all my homework, clean a little, and then try to get some sleep wanting to be done with the day. "No, I'm sorry, I d-didn't mean t-to." I say to John. I accidentally cooked the meal a little too long, and he doesn't like it.

"Why do you lie to me, babe?" He asks and grabs my hair.

"I-I'm not," I say trying to get him to let go.

"Stop crying unless you want something to cry about." He says and throws me on the ground. I try to stop crying, but it doesn't work. The tears just keep coming.

"Man you got an annoying one." One of his friends say. "Has she at least giving you a good time?"

"Ya, she tries to fight me, but I will always win. Don't I babe." He says and looks at me.

"No." I say and sit up. I know what this is going to lead to, more hurting, but I can't give up yet. He starts to come to me, but I pull myself out of the memory. I sit up breathing heavily with sweat on me. "Just a dream Anna." I say to myself. "Just a dream." 4-26-15 10:28pm I go and grab my book. Rough night again. I wish it would just stop. If I died would the pain go away, would the hurting go away? I'm not doing any buddy anything staying around. I can't do it. Maybe if I just try to find him and talk things out with him I won't be scared. I hate myself, why, why can't he just get out of my head? Can it please just stop? I put my book down and go in the shower to try to erase the memories. I go to lay back down, but I grab my book and go to the living room. I turn my lamp on and set my book down. I turn my music on and lay down. And an hour later. Knock, Knock, Knock. I jump up.

"Anna it's me, Matt. Can I come in?" He asks from the outside of the door. Why is he here at this hour? I wondered.

"What's up?" I ask and let him in.

"I was going home and I heard shouting, it was Zach and his family. I didn't want to make things worse so I left, and your place is closer than my grandparents. Sorry if I woke you."

"It's fine. I hope everything works out though."

"Ya. Why were you sleeping out here, and what's with your eyes, have you be crying?" He asks as we sit on the couch.

"Just didn't want to sleep in my room and my eyes are just watering," I say and wipe my eyes with my sleeves.

"Oh, can you share?" He says grabbing a pillow.