What am I without you

chapter 17

avi

I was on my way home and stopped outside the door when I had reached, I took a deep breathe. my hand started to feel moist and I could feel myself heat up. why was I feeling so nervous. I shook it off and rang the doorbell.

scott opened the door, he didn't say anything nor did he look worried or curious about why I came so late. I felt like something was wrong. he motioned me to come in and I followed him inside the living room. I looked at scott but he just motioned me to sit down. I sat beside him.

"avi, can I ask you a question.."

"er... yeah."

"why haven't you old me anything about your mom. I mean I know about your dad and you know about my parents..."

"there's nothing to tell" I quickly dismissed the topic. not wanting to talk about it and why the all of a sudden curiousity.

"please tell me?"

"I don't want to talk about it. because there isn't anything to say"

"why?"

"because I have never met my mom. ive never seen my mom. she died when she gave birth to me. for god sake scott why do you always want to get in my business"

"avriel..." I heard a feminine voice call from behind me. I turned around to be faced with a woman who had tears in her eyes and was shaking uncontrollably. I was so very confused now. I got up.

"yes.. ma'am why are you crying?"

"really avi, do the maths"

"im not really good at maths..." I blurted.

"im serious avi. she is your mom." scott replied. I turned around to face the lady who scott was claiming to be my mother.

"I cant believe its really you" she choked out, engulfing me in a hug. I melted in the warmth of her hug. her scent reminded me of my childhood. I felt a strange connection to her. I felt my eyes water.

"m-mom" I stuttered. I still didn't understand how my mother was standing in front of me. she broke down into tears as if she was yearning to hear me calling her mom. it was at that moment I started to believe that she was my mother. "b-but how? I-I t-thought you.."

" sit down honey let me explain" we both sat down and she told me how when I was 6 months my dad took me away from her and left her for another woman. ever since then she hasn't seen me. all of a sudden scott left the room.

"mom can I tell you something."

"sure, honey go ahead."

"erm.. there is something about me... that..you need to know. you probably will start hating me after this too. but.."

"I could never hate you son, please tell me."

"im... im... gay.." I said quietly and she didn't say a word. she took a deep breathe and let out a sigh.

"is that it. honey that's nothing to be ashamed of. I would never hate you regardless of your sexuality. if it makes you happy, then im happy." she paused before speaking again "you should get going. im sure your father wouldnt like you staying out too late"

"I don't stay with him anymore. I live here" I replied.

"what? why?"

"he doesn't approve of my sexuality and...abused me...almost regularly. it was worse when he was drunk. so when it went too far I was admitted into hospital and that night scott got my things and brought them here and practically forced me to stay here."

"oh my god, im so sorry. I should've been there for you."

"its fine...erm.. can you excuse me for a minute." she nodded her head and I got up and went upstairs to scotts bedroom. I opened the door and scott was at his desk writing something. I waited until he was done before saying anything. I looked around and saw 2 suitcases in the corner of the room.

"scott" I called "what is all this"

"your stuff. I thought since your mother is here you could stay with her. since you don't like staying with me."

"what? who are you to decide this." I protested

"well what else can I do! staying with me causes you so much trouble, and I don't want to cause you any trouble. that's all."

"FINE! i'll leave." I rushed out the room and back into the living room. "mom, can we leave"

"you want to come home with me... of course. the car is outside, i'll be right out." I ran outside and got in the car slamming the door shut. scott came out a few minutes later with the two suitcases and put them in the back. he came round and tapped on the window to get my attention.  a tear ran down my cheek as I ignored him. he tried one more time before my mom came out and he left. I watched him walk back inside and shut the door.

scott

as soon as the door shut. I fell to the ground tears blurring my vision. I let him go. I got up and went to my bedroom. last thing I needed was my mom interrogating me. I looked around my bedroom, it felt empty. I noticed a book on the desk.

shit.I forgot to pack his notebook. I forgot to pack the one thing he cant live without. I will just give it  to him tomorrow. it will also give me a chance to speak to him.

next day

I waited on the bench near the gates of the school. I watched as the student walked inside with or without their friends but my eyes were only searching for one. everyone was heading to class yet he didn't come. I couldn't wait any longer or I'd be late for class so I got up and left. but it bothered me the whole day that's he didn't come. I don't even know where his mother lived. what if he doesn't come back and I never see him again.

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omg so on Thursday I went to the ptx concert in London. I was in tears the whole time. it was amazing. jake said hello to me. he is so damn adorable omg.