June 12. 2022
I am tired Ma. Very tired. Of everything, of everyone, of you.
My heart is so full and it will need just a teeny tiny crack to shatter into pieces.
Dear Ma, can we talk?
Like we used to.
Can we sit and laugh?
Like we used to when I was a small child oblivious of the cruel world.
I am 17 Ma and there is so much that happens with me each and every day and I want someone to talk to about all of it and even tho I very well know that that someone can't be you no matter how much I wish for it, I still want it to be you!
Why don't you understand this Ma?
Why don't you understand that I can have so much going on in my life except for studies?
Even tho I don't want to get indulged into a lot of things but I can't control it. I am sick of everything Ma. I am hurting.
Can't you see?
You taught me that one should never share their problems with the outside world if they have parents. You taught me that you are the people who I can blindly confide in and that no matter what you are and will be my best friend.
Then what changed Ma?
Is it the age or our thoughts that drifted us apart?
You told me that I can share anything with you. Can I?
If it's a yes then why do I feel like you are the last person I can talk to?
You passed this age Ma. You have experienced it all then why can't you come and ask me if I am okay?
I remember how we used to chill together when I was your little girl and I miss it Ma.
I really want to tell you everything that is happening because it is too much for your little girl to handle all by herself.
I never share anything with the outside world coz your little girl remember what you taught her. She remembers everything Ma but can't you see that she is still a little girl inside a grown up's body?
Can't you see that she is hurting?
I have seen in movies that a mother can feel everything her child is going through. She can feel her pain and see her tears which are yet to fall then why can't you see it Ma?
Why can't you be the one who I can share everything with?
I am very strong or atleast I try to be but even the ever so strong me feels weak sometimes. Feels helpless and wants a shoulder to cry on.
I know it can never be yours but deep down there is a little girl who still hopes that one day it will be.
Why can't you come and kiss your little girl's forehead and take her in your warm embrace Ma?
I want to come and whin to you about everything just like old times, I want to share every little detail of my day with you but sadly everything except our faces has changed now. I want to talk to you. I want you to be my best friend Ma. Why can't you be?
Your little girl is hurting Ma.
Please come, hug her and save her from the cruel world because even if you can't see it, I am still your little girl who is scared to face the world all by herself.
