I am not Depressed!!

When He Asks For Space!

I woke up one morning and received a text message from him, "I need to see you ASAP". That text lingered in my head. Trying to figure out what's causing the urgency of a meeting. "I can't meet up anytime soon. Can you just tell me what's going on?" Message sent. After few minutes, my phone buzzed. Its another message from him which reads "I NEED SOME SPACE"... My eyes widened. My heart skipped a beat. My breath seized for a second. I couldn't believe what I read. As I read it again, a tear rolled down my right cheek.

He needs some space to figure out where he stands in the relationship.
He needs some space to figure out what he really wants in the relationship.
And he needs some space so as to stay away from our relationship because there's too much rudeness going on.
Those were his reasons to shy away from what we share. Or what we "used" to share rather.

Fact is... I don't even know what it means to be spaced with your partner in a relationshit.
What does it actually mean when the person you are dating, your lover, the only guy you know and adore says HE NEEDS SOME SPACE??
Well I have no idea whatsoever but I reckon its a sign or a synonym of saying "I'm working up the guts to dump your sorry ass".

But why does LOVE always hurt?! Ooh no... Wait! Let me rephrase that... But why does my love for him always got something hurting to offer me. No matter how much I try to make it work or peaceful, it seems to be not possible.

Being in love used to be fun, joyous, peaceful, sincere.
Being in love used to be like a beautiful dream, a fairy tale where happily ever after exists, a happiness heaven.
But now... Now being in love is sad, terrifying, sorrowful and full of lies.
Now being in love is just a fearful nightmare.
Which makes me wanna stay awake all night so not to sleep.
Which makes me wanna cry all my tears out.
Which makes me want to kill every guy that admits his feelings to me.
I don't know why I love LOVE. When LOVE seems to hate me.

Its always a cock and bull story whenever I find myself in love.
I believe and swore that my heart will not be broken twice. And I live by that oath. After all, guys will always be guys.
There might be a few sincere and truthful ones out there. But that's just it. Its with great luck when you find one.

Being spaced with the bae is just something I can't comprehend.
After all the rocky roads, the struggles, the togetherness, the jokes and the laughter.
After all the promises.
There comes space, distance, then break up. But after the pain comes memories. Just mere memories.

With all this less communication, I picture myself starting all over again with someone else and moving on with my life in few moments. Which can be days, weeks, months or even years.
But then I'm done trying to water a plant called my relationship with him in a barren land. Which will never grow and not even hopes will keep it alive and blossomed!

I Am Not Even Depressed!
Just on some other level!